By ROSIE WATERLAND
Are you a little too awesome at Facebook? Has your friend count grown out of control? Are you struggling to find an efficient way to get rid of those excess losers without looking like an insensitive wang? Have you ever faced the awkward mess that is the ‘Facebook Friend Cull’ and thought, “There just HAS to be a better way”?
Guess what? There is.
Introducing ‘Culling Friends on Facebook: The Official Instructional Guide’. Following this system as intended by the manufacturer will result in a guaranteed 10 – 15% reduction in unwanted friends.
Step 1:
Do you feel like you did not get enough attention today?
Immediately post a vague status that gives just enough away to demonstrate you are sad, but lacks the detail needed to explain anything.
Average Friend Loss: 2 – 3 per offence
Step 2:
Has a website published something on Facebook that you do not consider to be news?
Go to that comment thread immediately and type “THIS IS NOT NEWS.”
Bonus points for “Who cares?” or “Who reads this stuff?”
Average Friend Loss: 1 – 2 per offence