'I always cry on my birthday, even when it goes perfectly. I can't be the only one.'

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I always end up having a little cry on my birthday. Even on the best ones.

Sometimes it's a happy cry. More often than not, I'm not even sure why I'm emotional. Maybe it's simply an echo of the day I first entered this world — scrunch-faced and crying and trying to figure it all out.

It's not like I'm sad about getting older, or particularly sentimental about the passage of time, but something about the existence of a special day on which we're supposed to feel and reflect and be adored and have lunch somewhere fancy somehow ends up overwhelming me at one point or another. 

I always thought I was alone in this, but when I caught up with a girlfriend for her birthday a few weeks ago, she revealed that she'd spent the morning having a little cry on the beach. 

Another friend admitted she doesn't like to organise things because she feels weirdly sensitive if something goes wrong, while yet another said the biggest fight she's ever had with her partner was over his failure to post a public display of birthday love on Instagram. Even though the last time he posted was 2016.

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Counsellor and psychotherapist Julie Sweet says birthdays can — and do — bring up all sorts of strong emotions. 

A particularly curly one is the unspoken pressure to have a certain type of day. 

"Disappointment and conflicting emotions often present when the pressure to appear happy doesn't match inner feelings of anxiety, self-doubt, and reflection," she said, adding it's something she sees a lot of in her practice.

"It can happen because both internal feelings and external pressures can turn a day like a birthday, one that's supposed to be joyful, into a stressful or sad experience."

This, says Sweet, creates the double whammy of overwhelm and internalised blame, and we end up wondering why we're not happier, all the while berating ourselves for not feeling grateful enough. 

Then there's that old thief of joy: comparison. It can sneak in on special occasions more easily than regular days, because the anniversary of our birth has increasingly become an online event: we see other friends re-posting reel after reel of adoring tributes from caring friends, each one a carefully curated highlights-reel of all the happy times they've shared.

When our turn comes, we might wonder why we don't have the same level of peer-supplied adoration. 

For those of us lucky enough to have friends who remember and want to celebrate us too, the sudden influx of calls and messages can also be overwhelming, even while it's a beautiful reminder of being loved. 

"Feeling overwhelmed on your birthday is usually a result of stress and pressure, especially if you're uncomfortable being the centre of attention," explained Sweet. 

It's been dubbed the 'birthday blues' or even 'birthday depression,' and even as I write this I roll my eyes at how frivolous it feels to write about having a cry into your birthday cake while the world looks like it does. 

But, such is the duality of so-called first world problems: knowing it's a bit ridiculous doesn't mean it doesn't feel real. 

So, what to do? 

"Adjust your expectations and practice self-compassion," said Sweet. 

"Practising self-love by accepting your feelings without judgment is essential, as is recognising that it's natural to feel conflicted or overwhelmed on a day that's supposed to be enriching."

If your issue is birthday comparison, she says, focusing on setting realistic expectations ahead of the day can also iron out disappointment.

"Communicating your needs is always helpful," said Sweet, "letting those around you know if you prefer a quiet day instead of a big party (or vice versa) can prevent misunderstandings and reduce pressure."

In recent years, I've learnt carving out a tiny piece of my birthday to do something for myself is an excellent balm to the specific kind of ennui that can show up.

My particular brand of self-care is a drive to the beach in time to watch the sunrise with a coffee (a tradition that my son has recently begun tagging along to, which always feels extra special) followed by a dip.

Maybe yours is buying a family-sized tub of chocolate mousse and topping it with whipped cream. Or going to the movies by yourself. Or making an elaborate cocktail and watching reality television during the day. 

Whatever it is, turning inwards to mark the occasion eases a lot of the expectation/pressure/disappointment circuit.

"Choosing something small and meaningful that brings you happiness can feel much more fulfilling," Sweet agreed.

"Shifting your focus to gratitude by reflecting on the positive aspects of your life and all you have is also crucial," she continues, adding that while the birthday blues can come and go, persistent feelings of sadness warrant further investigation," she said.

"If these feelings persist or begin to interfere with your daily life, it can be beneficial to seek support from a therapist to explore underlying core issues and develop healthy coping strategies."

Feature Image: Getty. (Stock image for illustrative purposes only).