"At the start of 2020, I was the thinnest I'd been in years. Then came the COVID weight."

I know that I'm a feminist. But currently I'm really conflicted.

Weight and body size is sexist and in so many ways, archaic in its societal perception. We're closing 2020 and have never before been so inundated with such a vast variety of public figures of varying body types, skin colours and diversity.

The world is changing, and we're no longer only applauding a size six supermodel on her ability to fit into teeny tiny samples. We're high-fiving her and sharing a bottle of wine along with the size 20 model walking in the same show.

Diversity is winning in all aspects. And I'm still at home fixated on my COVID weight gain.

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It's many memes, it's many in-jokes, it's many a talking point. But in all seriousness, for many of us, it's a real thing.

At the start of the year, I was the thinnest I've been in probably eight years. Definitely not the fittest or healthiest mind you, but the skinniest for sure. Emotionally, I was a mess; but physically, my God, I looked good in clothes*.

*Completely subjective.

As we near the end of 2020; I, like many others, can admit to a touch of 'COVID weight gain'. Many of us say it jokingly, but it's laced with insecurity and frustration.

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There's no point when I realised I was gaining weight. For me, it was slow, after I left a stressful full-time job and entered a cushier freelance gig that saw my appetite return. That, and a penchant towards wine.

So, although I don't weigh myself, I know I'll be finishing the year five to eight kilos heavier than when I started. The funny thing is that naked, I'm not mad. I appreciate my body and the soft curves of my womanhood. I honestly look in the mirror naked and have the confidence of a white middle-aged male politician.

But in my clothes, I don't feel good. I don't even fit into them. It's easy to say, 'buy new clothes', but for someone that loves clothes and the way they make me feel so much, that isn't a feasible option. Clothes usually make me so, so happy, and they're currently not, even in the slightest. I go into my dressing room and look disparagingly around at all the fabulous options that just don't fit me because of the COVID weight.

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The ironic thing is that I'm currently fit AF. I am healthy. I eat proper meals, fill my body with good food, exercise frequently, and enjoy life. And I'm still bursting out of my bloody wardrobe!

It's a small problem to have; I know that. Being able to afford delicious food and wine is a privilege. But my goodness, I wish my clothes fit me.

There's no point to this, apart from making anyone in a similar position feel less alone. 2020 has been the hardest year in so many aspects, let's not let a little pandemic weight gain get us down.

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I don't have an answer to COVID weight gain. I'm certainly not going to recommend skinny tea or diet pills. What I will recommend is perspective and one lone outfit you always feel phenomenal in. Mine's a midi skirt and black crop.

Weight will pile on and fall off. Just like money will roll in and completely disappear. The main thing is how we react and reconcile with these changes.

I, for one, will continue to moan about not fitting into my sequin skirt, while at the same time, marvelling at the pert 'thicness' of my ass.

Feature Image: Supplied. 

This article originally appeared in Kelly McCarren’s weekly newsletter, Strictly Bants, which you can subscribe to right here.