'We've... lied about what's closed': 17 parents share their lockdown confessions.

We all know what it’s like. We may be posting photos of our iso parenting wins on Instagram (look, sourdough! Backyard camping! Recreating a Renaissance painting with our child, our dog and a packet of assorted creams!) but that’s not the whole story. Iso parenting is really, really hard.

Lots of us are doing double duty – our jobs and our kids – and there’s no escape. No gym sessions, no drinks with friends. Can’t even have a bit of time on our phones while “watching” the kids at swimming lessons.

So how are we coping? Well… creatively, it seems. We turned to Mamamia Parents and asked them to share their coronavirus confessions – the things they’re doing to get them through this time without too many tears.

May we just say, these parents, who shall remain anonymous, are GENIUSES.

Watch: How the horoscopes home school their kids. Post continues below. 

“We’ve taught our four and six-year-old boys to give my husband and I foot and back massages. They compete with each other as to who gets to massage and who is better at it.”

“Sometimes I hide in the parked car in the garage and have a nap, or just sit in glorious silence.”

“I dropped my kid back at school this week. And I cried with relief.”

“I now allow my daughter to watch the iPad in her room first thing in the morning. Means I can lie in bed for another hour. If she’s just watching TV, it’s 20 minutes before, ‘Mum, where’s my breakfast?’”

“I’ve told my 11-year-old daughter that she is so much better than Daddy at making tea for Mummy, so it becomes a competition for one of them to make me a great cuppa first thing.”

“We’ve told our three-and-a-half-year-old that the ‘man in charge of the country’ has closed McDonald’s.”

“I hide for an extra 15-20 minutes after my early morning calls with the USA to savour the last bit of my coffee in peace before the ‘official day’ of work and home school starts.”

“Hide-and-seek. I hide with my phone and AirPods and watch Netflix.”

“I faked a meeting so I could lock myself in the study for half an hour. I have no shame.”

“I give my almost-three-year-old chamomile tea or ‘special adult juice’ in the evenings to help calm her down for bedtime.”

“I’ve got really into my skincare and have curated a lengthy regime that involves multiple layers of serum, oil and moisturiser plus a few minutes for each product to ‘soak in’. To be perfectly honest, sometimes I just slap on some moisturiser and then sit on the bathroom floor with the door closed, scrolling my phone for 20 minutes.”

Of course, it’s not just Australian parents who are having to survive iso parenting. Worldwide, the struggle is real. These parents have gone public on Twitter.

Every day begins with me swearing I won’t give my kids an iPad and ends with me pissed the battery ran out on their iPad.

— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) March 31, 2020

Here is my toddler homeschooling schedule. Any questions?

8-10am: frozen
10-12pm: frozen 2
*lunch*
1-3: frozen
3-5:frozen 2
*dinner*
6-8pm: frozen
*bed*

— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) March 16, 2020

I told the kids we we were starting homeschool at 9am and they all are hiding from me in their rooms with the doors locked so is this winning? It feels like winning.

— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) March 23, 2020

Homeschooling day 6

Me: write a short description about life in Roman times

7: “in Roman times they were all butt heads and farted really loudly out their big butts”

Me: I don’t think that’s quite…..oh fuck it *emails to teacher*

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) March 30, 2020

Wife: What are you guys playing?

Me: Hopscotch.

Wife: But the kids are just hopping up and down while you’re drinking scot-

Me:

Wife: Got an extra glass?

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) March 24, 2020

Share your lockdown confessions in the comments below!