'I was cheated on 23 times but I don't hate the other woman. Not even one bit.'

It was 2006, and I had just met an amazing man who was a farmer. It would eventually turn out he wasn't 'amazing'. Just a… man.

A few years later, we decided to get married. My better judgement told me it wasn't the best idea, but I didn't listen. I was in love and my dreams were coming true.

I fell pregnant with our first child shortly after we got married. It was amazing and exhausting all at the same time.

My husband didn't do much to help. He was always making excuses to not be home or make me feel loved. He would regularly put himself in a position where rumours would start, and I would have to defend him.

I trusted him, until I didn't.

When our son was a year-and-a-half old, I fell pregnant again with our second, but things were strained.

My husband began meeting up with a girl he'd known for a long time. She would drive past and meet him on the farm. I would go crazy with stress and worry while trying to stay sane for my unborn child's sake. Apparently my distress was 'all my fault', though.

They started having an affair. A typical affair. And he couldn't choose between us — the 'poor guy'.

I welcomed our second baby, but he was still carrying on with his girlfriend, and I even knew about it. But I stayed for our family, and for the promises he made me. Every time we'd have sex, and he'd tell me he'd end things with her, I found new hope. It was messed up and confusing.

I wanted to save the marriage at all costs, and some part of me thought the only way to win him back would be to stay with him, keep being intimate, and hope we'd fall back into the right place.

On the other hand, I wanted to escape from the pain and torture of being let down time after time. 23 times, in fact.

Eventually, I left and moved to a nearby town, but he still gave me hope we would fix things. Somehow, I believed him. Or at least, I said I did, but deep down my self-esteem was crushed, and I clung onto the hope of being wanted.

He would promise me we'd spend time together, but would cancel at the last minute. Then images of him and 'her' would emerge on social media.

This cycle ended with 'the last straw'. He told me they'd broken up for good and he just wanted space. I let him have it — bar a few texts about our love and family. Then a friend called to tell me the 'other woman' was at the farm for a party.

When I called him, he said he would have told me the next day. I told him it was the last time he would lie to me, and I was done. I took the choice away from him — he was stuck with her.

It all spiralled from there. They announced their engagement and soon after that, a baby was on the way. I was alone in the southern part of Australia while my family were in the north of Queensland. I stayed a year before I decided to move away — winning majority custody.

The children and I are thriving, while he is stuck in the same rut, doing the same thing.

Anyone would think I'd hate 'her' — the 'other woman' — but I don't. Not even one bit.

I did at the time of the affair. I couldn't believe someone could do that.

But they do — don't they?

I feel very sorry for her actually. She's stuck in my old shoes, bragging about the farm to justify to herself that she did the right thing.

Look, I don't know what she thinks, but I do know that she should trust her gut about him. You know what they say, "Once a cheater"…

I am confident that it was the best thing to ever happen to us, and I'm determined to help other single mums out there by sharing my story. I want to tell them: just keep going.

Don't beat yourself up by looking in the past at the decisions you made, to fight for your marriage, and it failed anyway.

If someone tells you it's your fault they cheated, or your fault you stayed, then tell them it's their fault that they miss out on you. Their loss.

Lean on family and friends that have your back. A true friend will stand up for what is right. Be around the people who build you up, lift you up and stand firm in line next to you, being bold and strong when you can't.

There is a life after cheating husbands and after divorce. There is so much life after having no self-esteem because you didn't feel wanted.

Want yourself. Love yourself. Be yourself, and those that value you will be there when you look up.

Feature image: Getty

The author of this story is anonymous but is known to Mamamia. This was originally published in 2017 and has since been republished.