8 signs you're talking to a conversational narcissist.

Everyone knows a "yapper", but what's the difference between being a chatterbox, and domineering a conversation to the point of becoming a "conversational narcissist"?

Conversations are all about give and take, right? Your friend tells you something, and you respond, and the two of you continue this pattern in what is hopefully an engaging and thoughtful back and forth about whatever it is you're talking about.

But have you ever had a friend who tends to take up the whole conversation? Who never lets you get a word in, or doesn't really listen when it's your turn to talk? They might be a "conversational narcissist" — and as it turns out, there are more of them out there than we realise. In fact, you might be one and not even realise it!

What is a conversational narcissist is?

According to Carly Dober, Principle Psychologist at Enriching Lives Psychology, a conversational narcissist is someone who "tends to really only talk about themselves, dismissing others and what they're saying to bring the focus back on them."

"They dominate conversations," she told Mamamia, and they tend to have "a very self-centred approach to conversations that are supposed to be back and forth and have some kind of pattern or rhythm."

Dober noted that the term "conversational narcissist" isn't a clinical one or a diagnosable condition. She describes it as "pop psychology", but it's still useful as a term to describe a certain type of behaviour.

Signs that someone is a conversational narcissist.

Being talkative or chatty is a spectrum, and not everyone who talks a lot is necessarily expressing narcissistic behaviour. However, there are some traits that could indicate someone is being a conversational narcissist:

1. Giving long-winded rants and monologues — even when it's just them talking.

2. Listening to you not out of interest, but to find a moment to interject with the topic they want to talk about.

3. Overlooking social cues that indicate others want to speak or share.

4. Bragging about achievements.

5. Only asking questions to lead the conversation back to themselves.

6. Not responding to news or other interesting things people are sharing.

7. Maximising the amount of time spent focused on them.

8. Interrupting others often in conversation.

How to deal with a conversational narcissist.

Navigating a conversation with someone who is self-centred can be hard, but Dober suggested approaching the issue with grace, and giving the person the benefit of the doubt.

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Most conversational narcissists mean well and don't realise what they're doing, so it's good to express your feelings in a way that explains your struggle without unnecessarily assigning blame or moralising the issue.

"It's really important to use 'I' statements, like 'I would love to talk to you about this stuff but I find that I don't really have the space or the opportunity to share my stuff with you, and that can make me feel sad or not important,'" Dober suggested.

"This might be a revelation to them. They might have actually no idea."

Dober also suggested being patient with someone as they slowly unlearn this habit, as it takes time. If it's affecting you a lot to be around them, it's okay to limit your exposure — but again, let's all be compassionate about it.

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What to do if you suspect you're a conversational narcissist.

Now look, if the signs above indicate that maybe you are the conversational narcissist in your friendships: it's okay. It can be hard to tell the difference between sharing your experiences in a conversation as a way to relate, and just commandeering the whole thing.

If you're unsure, Dober suggested asking yourself some questions and reflecting on your conversation patterns:

• Did you share your interests?

• Were you curious about other people?

• Did you ask them questions?

• Was the space shared, or did you dominate it?

• Did you give space for others to jump in and talk?

• And when they did, how did you feel emotionally?

• Were you jealous, or annoyed, or disinterested?

These questions can be really good indicators of your own intentions.

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A lot of the time, conversational narcissism is not a moral issue. Many people don't even realise they're doing it, especially if it's a product of how we've grown up.

Dober noted that some people who have a habit of being dominating conversations might not be narcissists at all.

"They might just be an excitable person. They might be neurodivergent. They might come from a huge family in which they've always had to fight to be the loudest, or else they don't get heard," she said.

"It can be helpful to be curious and to maybe assume that it's coming from a good place."

If you're realising that you're guilty of being self-centred in conversations, you can work on improving your conversation skills by asking questions, actively listening, and giving others space to talk. It can be hard to change, but it's possible: it just requires commitment and a drive to be a better friend to others. You got this!

Now, if you need me, I will be re-evaluating every trauma dump I have ever uttered — and becoming a better conversationalist because of it.

Feature image: NBC.