'I was in a relationship with a compulsive liar. It took me 4 months to figure it out.'

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"I knew they wouldn't ask questions."

That was the chilling explanation *Bec's boyfriend gave her when she finally confronted him about a lie so depraved it made her feel sick.

For months, *Jacob had been telling his colleagues, and anyone who would listen, that his mum was battling terminal cancer and suffering from frequent seizures.

He used it to garner sympathy, to explain away his absences, and to anchor himself as the "devoted son" in everyone's eyes.

"When I finally spoke to his mum, she was devastated," Bec, 34, told Mamamia.

"Not only was she perfectly healthy, but she had no idea her son was using her life as a prop for his drama.

"He told me he thought he would pass a lie detector test. He actually believed his own performance."

It took four months for the house of cards to fall, but when it did, the impact was enough to physically damage Bec's heart.

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The 'mature' illusion.

Bec met Jacob while working at an event. At 24, he was ten years younger than her, but he presented her with a polish that masked the decade-long age gap.

"He came across as sweet, mature, secure, and impressive," she said. "I walked away thinking, 'what a great young guy, good for him'."

He used a "dead phone" as an excuse to send himself photos from her device, a move Bec now realises was a calculated way to get her number.

The relationship moved with a dizzying intensity. Within two months, they were living together.

He curated a life of deep self-reflection, telling Bec he was seeing a psychologist named *Steve to process "big work decisions."

"I remember him saying, 'I'm seeing Steve today, I'll tell him about you,'" Bec said.

"Afterwards, he called to say the psychologist wasn't concerned about our age gap. But there was no psychologist."

"He even asked his younger brother to hand-write a fake note from 'Steve' in different handwriting just to keep the lie alive."

Why the lies feel so real.

To a logical mind, lying about a parent having cancer or forging a doctor's note seems like a lot of effort for very little gain.

However, Sarah Bays, Clinical Counsellor, Psychotherapist and host of Mamamia's This Is Why We Fight podcast, explains that for pathological liars, the "reward" isn't external, it's internal.

"Compulsive lying is a survival adaptation," Bays explained.

"Its primary purpose is to protect and preserve a very fragile sense of self and a way of emotionally regulating via avoidance of reality."

When he lied about his mum's cancer, he wasn't wishing for her to be sick.

"The response they get, the way they're perceived, as a caring son struggling to cope, is the fantasy," Bays said.

"It feels more comfortable to live in that fantasy than to face the reality of what they really believe about themselves, which is usually very low."

The breaking point: A blurry screenshot.

The lies weren't just about life and death; they were constant, "hot-potato" deflections. He claimed his psychologist recommended vaping as a "stress reliever."

He told Bec his mother hated her because of her age, creating a deep sense of insecurity. "Every few days, he would mention new concerns of hers. It made me feel like the most important woman in his life already didn't approve of me," Bec said.

After meeting her, he faked a text from his mum saying, "Sorry for making fun of her age. She's great, we love her." But the lie that broke everything open was, ironically, about concert tickets.

He claimed he'd accidentally bought VIP tickets in another state and had to rebuy them. When Bec asked to see the Moshtix account, he sent a screenshot.

"It looked almost perfect, except some text was slightly blurry," Bec remembered.

"When I asked him to log in in front of me, he finally snapped: 'I can't. I panicked and photoshopped it.'"

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A heart "stunned" by shock.

The revelation of Photoshop wasn't just about tickets; it was the moment the entire four-month reality Bec had inhabited dissolved.

"My nervous system went into full freeze," she said.

"I no longer felt safe in my own home. I went from running ten kilometres a day to being unable to exercise or sleep almost overnight."

The physical toll was severe. Bec was diagnosed with Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, often called "Broken Heart Syndrome."

It is a condition where intense emotional shock causes the heart's left ventricle to change shape and stop pumping effectively. It leaves the heart "stunned."

The aftermath of the "hot-potato".

Once the dam broke, the admissions poured out of him like a flood. He admitted to making up the stories he told her about nearly killing a man who cheated with an ex-girlfriend (untrue), lying about his income, and messaging other women during their "soulmate" phase.

"Before everything came undone, he would look me directly in the eye and say, 'I'm not lying. Being called a liar is my biggest wound. Why can't you just trust me?'"

Sarah Bays notes that this lack of "tells" is what makes pathological liars so dangerous.

"They will, in fact, be more regulated lying than telling the truth. Spotting it falls on your gut feeling. We have an inbuilt alarm system, but we're socialised to second-guess it."

Bec eventually walked away after one final attempt at therapy, where she brought a printed list of every lie he had told.

"The scariest part," she reflected, "was how convincingly he believed them in the moment. It was the slow erosion of my sense of reality."

How to heal from the lies.

For those currently questioning their own reality, Bays' advice is clear: look for external confirmations that don't come from the partner.

If you haven't met people who have known them for more than a few months, or if their stories only exist in digital screenshots they've sent you, it's time to listen to your nervous system.

She emphasises that the path to recovery, both for the liar and the person deceived, starts with a radical return to reality.

"If you're the one being lied to, stop trying to find logic in the lies; instead, look at the function they serve. Are they avoiding shame? Are they creating a version of themselves they wish were true?" she suggested.

For those who have escaped such a relationship, Bays advises focusing on nervous system regulation rather than just cognitive closure.

"Because pathological liars are so regulated while they lie, your body's alarm system has been essentially hacked. It's normal to feel 'stuck' on high alert or to feel like you can't trust your own senses," she said.

"Recovery isn't just about spotting the next liar; it's about rebuilding the relationship with your own intuition so that you can feel safe enough to trust yourself again."

*names have been changed to protect privacy.

Sarah Bays is a Clinical Counsellor and Psychotherapist at Motivated Minds. You can hear her on Mamamia's This Is Why We Fight podcast.

Feature Image: Canva.