'I thought my partner was sweet and attentive. Then he put security cameras in the house.'

Content warning: This story includes descriptions of domestic violence and suicidal tendencies that may be distressing to some readers.

I was in a long term, serious committed relationship with someone I thought I would marry.

Everything changed when we were days away from settling on a very expensive block of land that we planned to build our forever, dream home on.

My partner worked FIFO, one month on, one month off, which was sometimes difficult, but I felt like we had complete love and trust in each other.

Since I first met him, he was always in contact. Sometimes up to seven times a day, some calls lasting for hours at a time. I thought this was endearing, especially when I'd been in relationships before where communication had been lacking.

He would want to know where I was all the time, would drop me to and from work, even though I had my own car.

In hindsight, I now realise this level of contact and control was the other end of the extreme.

Watch: We lose one woman every week in Australia to domestic violence, but that's just the tip of a very grim iceberg. Post continues after video.

We spent every night together so then it made sense to move in together. After we did, we lived very happily for quite a while. 

My partner put up security cameras outside our new place - but he also put one in the bedroom.

He told me it was because he enjoyed seeing the dogs when he wasn't home, which I thought was really sweet.

He even sent me a photo of me and the dogs sleeping that he'd taken from the camera when he was out working a late shift.

He would know when I was at home, and whenever I wasn't, he'd ask me where I was, saying that he could see on camera the puppies missed me. Sometimes he'd even speak to me through the cameras when I was home alone.

One night, after quite a bit to drink on a winery tour, we got into a heated argument, and he slapped me around the face.

I told myself it had to have been an accident and the next morning he told me didn't remember doing it at all.

One night he went out with friends from work, which he did often. But the next morning, he wasn't home.

I checked my phone to see if he'd messaged, but instead I found a series of messages from my best friend.

She'd seen my partner out with another woman. I called her and she told me she could send me proof.

She then forwarded on a video of him kissing another woman, before leaving a club holding hands with her. 

I was distraught, heartbroken.

When I eventually confronted him about it, he gaslit me, telling me he was mentally unwell and had a problem with alcohol. He told me he had depression and anxiety and even promised to get help.

After a lot of soul searching, I decided to stay in the relationship.

Not long after that, he left for his next month off at work and we continued trying to repair the trust - or so I thought.

While he was away, I was invited to a party close to where he was docked. It was a good four-hour drive away, but I decided to go, thinking I could surprise him the next morning. 

That night, while music was blaring, and I was having fun dancing, he called me. I decided to tell him where I was and that I was planning to come see him the next day.

He went absolutely crazy at me. He hung up the phone and soon after, turning up to where I was. He was screaming at me, calling me a psycho for turning up near where he was working. He dragged me away by my arm, then put me in a headlock. I felt like my neck was going to snap as he lifted me off the ground.

Listen: Do you know someone who may be locked up with their abusers? Listen to The Quicky below. Post continues after podcast.

He then smashed my phone and continued to berate me, while I was unable to leave or call for help. Eventually, a passing police officer warned him off me, and he said he was going back to his ship. The police officer asked me if I wanted to make a statement. I didn't want to, but the police put in their own complaint anyway. 

My partner then bombarded me with texts for the rest of the evening. 

He said:

You snuck up here to spy on me. I love with all my heart, but you have made a large mistake tonight. I hope you enjoy it. Please move out effective immediately with everything you have to go along with it.

Meanwhile, police reviewed the CCTV footage of him assaulting me; they said they could serve him with an AVO the next time he got off the ship.

I told them I didn't want them to. I was in a state of shock and just wanted to put it out of my mind. 

The next few days were a blur. I stayed with friends. The police went ahead and serve the domestic violence order, anyway. 

I spoke with his parents, and they said I should talk to him. He is really sorry, they said. I had one call with him after that night. His response was that he was sorry but only because he now realised, I wasn't there to check up on him, however he felt his response was justified if that had been what I was doing.

I had never realised how much coercive and subtle control he had over me until that exact moment.

I moved out of our home, and he was charged with common assault and criminal damage.

He continued to harass me via text for the next few months, and I sunk lower and lower. I genuinely thought about taking my own life, I was that broken.

Thankfully, I stuck around, but I was a shell of myself for a long time, afraid to go out alone or take Ubers. 

But I clung to my dogs and promised to never leave them.

Eventually, the case went to court, and all the punishment he got for what he had put me through was a $750 fine.

For someone who was making $200,000 a year, it wasn't even going to make a dent.

Weeks later, I was parked outside a furniture store with the car roof down when I heard him - he was there, calling my name. 

I froze with fear, but managed to run into a shop and call a friend. Another time, he turned up a dog park I visited regularly, despite him no longer having dogs.

I reported the breach; he got arrested, but once again there was no conviction when it went to court. I felt like I was up against a completely broken system.

Nearly a year later I'm still in disbelief that this has all happened. I was building a life with this person; I trusted him, but it turned out I never ever knew him in the slightest.

Because of this, I've had to move house several times. I have flashbacks and nightmares that he's going to come and hurt me.

But I am having some better days too.

I realise now I was wearing rose-coloured glasses in this relationship for so long. Don't ignore the signs, call them out.

If this has raised any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) – the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service.

And, if you think you may be experiencing depression or another mental health problem, please contact your general practitioner. If you're based in Australia, 24-hour support is available through Lifeline on 13 11 14 or beyondblue on 1300 22 4636.

The author of this story is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons.

Feature Image: Getty.