An ode to the men who get sexier, every time you hang out with them.

No.

All I can think about are my complicated but also ever-growing feelings towards a man named Keiran but for some unexplained reason spells his name like ‘Ciarran’.

On the first night of Angie Kent’s season of The Bachelorette, I was under the impression that Ciarran was the token larrikin who would get goofy music every time he popped up on screen. I put him in the silly basket.  Much like that other silly British guy from The Bachelorette, Paddy, who always looked like he was just about to kick someone.

But alas, the silly basket is not where darling Ciarran belongs.

When he arrived he looked like Draco Malfoy meets Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean which is fine but also not something I expected to be... vibing. Sexually.

And then it happened.

Watch super-fan Elise Cooper interrogate her new best friend, Angie Kent. Post continues below. 

Last night, while sitting in front of the television, I found myself saying the words to my partner: "I think I'm sexually attracted to a man from Manchester named Ciarran".

For anyone who missed it, on Wednesday's night episode, Angie made a bunch of her suitors perform a stand-up routine at a Sydney comedy club.

One man got nervous and took off all his clothes like a three-year-old who gets confused and thinks it's bath time.

Another made an announcement like they were taking off on a plane except there was no punchline.

A third man kept talking about a dream he had about chicken and ducks and then maybe Angie stepped on a duck and everyone was laughing but I didn't get it.

And then there was Ciarran.

He retold a story which took place last week on The Bachelorette, where Ciarran volunteered to be a model for a life drawing class and a little bit didn't know what that meant until someone demanded he take off his pants.

He won over the audience with self-deprecation and confidence and goodness he has a beautiful smile but also... hands.

Ciarran is the classic example of the guy that gets that little bit hotter... that little bit sexier... every time you hang out with them. As opposed to the opposite. Of which I have dated many.

Ciarran is funny and confident and charismatic and someone on Twitter even described him as a "sexy respectful pirate" which was shockingly accurate.

me every time ciarran appears on screen #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/fk64RHGqQp

— Lauryn (@laurynstweets) October 23, 2019

My feelings towards Ciarran in the episode 1 promo vs My feelings towards Ciarran now #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/zDMfhrRjy8

— Dave ☁️☁️☁️ (@DavePollard98) October 23, 2019

Ok after that it’s official I have a major crush on Ciarran. He’s like a respectful sexy pirate and I’m here for all of that. #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/TXprR3Dvs1

— Stacey (@heartofgold81) October 23, 2019

But it’s been like 10 minutes since we saw Ciarran #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/dGpj6RNc1n

— Chelsea McLaughlin (@chelseamnz) October 23, 2019

Things that are hot about Ciarran include:

• His colourful suits
• His slight androgyny
• That time he took all his clothes off
• The jokes he made about his penis (*note, this is not usually hot)
• That time he opened up to Angie about his family but then thought he used the word 'siblings' in the wrong context
• His general respect

In conclusion, I've fallen in love with a man who introduced himself to Australia as a "sexy Willy Wonka".

And may we all find partners - men or women - who get hotter the longer you spend with them.