'Every year, my mother-in-law gives me a Christmas gift that conveys a not-so-subtle message.'

Christmas is supposed to be the season of giving, but in my house, it's more like the season of message-sending.

That's because, for me, Christmas marks the annual return of my mother-in-law's passive-aggressive present-giving tradition.

They say actions speak louder than words, but in her case, her gifts don't just speak – they loudly declare her disapproval of me.

It took time for me to recognise my mother-in-law's behaviour, which started when I was a teen wearing barely there ripped jeans, heavy metal band t-shirts and chunky silver jewellery to match her similarly clad son.

Along with being besotted with the boy who would one day become my husband, I was blissfully oblivious to the subtle messages behind her Christmas gifts of pastel, modest clothing and demure pearl jewellery as our relationship blossomed.

But it became hard to ignore the year we purchased and moved into an apartment together and decided to host a combined Christmas lunch for our families.

Watch: How to deal with the food dilemma with your kids and mother-in-law. Post continues after video.

Although she'd never said anything to me directly, it had already become clear my mother-in-law wasn't thrilled about her son and me moving in together. She viewed herself as an upstanding Christian – albeit one who visited a church once a year – and had repeatedly told other family members that she disapproved of us 'living in sin'.

Around that time, our previously good relationship also became strained, thanks to my mother-in-law going out of her way to mention her best friend's daughter – the person she'd always thought her son would marry – in conversations, emphasising all the things this woman had accomplished compared to me.

Regardless, I was eager to impress on that fateful Christmas Day and spent weeks making sure everything – from the food and drinks to the decorations and gifts – was perfect.

But when the day finally arrived, my mother-in-law managed to kill the Christmas cheer with a single gift.

Amid the chaos of everyone swapping gifts before we sat down to lunch, she made a dramatic show of gathering everyone's attention to watch her present me with my 'special' Christmas gift.

She pressed the present into my hands and, with a sly, condescending look, said, "I noticed you didn't have hand towels in the guest bathroom last time I was here. I got you these special Christmas-themed ones so you can look after your guests properly today."

I was mortified, as was my family (who, I can assure you, made sure our family home was well-stocked with hand towels when I was growing up, thank you very much!).

After everyone had left, my husband tried to awkwardly pass it off as a well-meaning gift delivered with a poorly aimed joke.

But the only laughable thing was that the visit where my mother-in-law noticed my inexcusable hand towel oversight had occurred on the day we were moving into our apartment when she'd stopped by uninvited and unannounced.

In the years that have followed, it's become crystal clear that my mother-in-law's gifts are laced with disapproval, signalling everything I'm not and everything I don't do the right way (read: her way).

Many of her gifts signal her disapproval of my personal style, which is a stark contrast to hers.

For example, my mother-in-law regularly tells me the way I've styled our modern, minimalist home is "nice but not what she'd choose", so my gifts regularly include homely homewares – think twee framed prints, fussy ornaments and furnishings in bright, flowery fabrics.

She also frequently gifts the brightly coloured clothing and jewellery she loves to wear despite knowing my preference for black – a colour she frequently refers to in my presence as only being appropriate for funerals.

What hurts most, though, is when she makes a point to share pointed gifts that imply I'm not a 'good housewife' and that I don't look after my husband 'properly'.

Over the years, these types of gifts have included a book on how to plan and cook balanced meals for men and a gift voucher for a cleaning service trial because, as she put it, "housework doesn't appear to be your thing."

I've tried to rise above it. I smile politely, thank my mother-in-law graciously, and then promptly hide the offending gifts in a cupboard, ensuring they only see daylight when she's visiting.

But last year, I hit my breaking point when she gave me a series of romance novels glorifying colonisation – a gift clearly intended to counter my views on Indigenous rights.

That was the moment I finally raised the issue with my husband, who insisted his mother's gift choices were innocent or, at best, simply misguided – not deliberate attempts at sending not-so-subtle messages that, in her eyes, I'll never measure up.

So this year, I've decided it's time to join in her game.

Under the Christmas tree, my mother-in-law will find a classic black shirt from Country Road – a subtle nudge against her love of bright outfits – and a book on the urgent need for climate action (you can probably guess where she stands on this).

As for her gifts to me over the years that are currently residing in the cupboard?

I'm planning to rehome them to people who'll actually appreciate them. So, if you know anyone in need of Christmas-themed hand towels, let me know!

The author of this story is known to Mamamia but remained anonymous for privacy purposes.

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Feature image: Supplied.