Topics to argue about over Christmas lunch that have nothing to do with politics.

There’s no use denying it: an argument around the Christmas table is inevitable.

In my household, it usually begins when my brother says something outrageous — completely intentionally, of course. He’s been a button-pusher from way back. Then my mum, or my uncle, or my crazy aunt, jumps in.

I tell myself I should say nothing. ‘Don’t bite, Caity. Don’t bite.’

I bite. The fire is fuelled.

My brother? He’s just sitting back, drink in hand, watching the nice-Christmas-lunch-with-the-family burn. Good times.

This year, there is more potential kindling for this inevitable Christmas fire than ever before. Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, most definitely. There’s feminism, but there’s always feminism.

Then there's discussion about the future of American politics, refugees in Australia, Aleppo, the future of American politics, Malcolm Turnbull, Tony Abbott, and did I mention the future of American politics? So many opportunities to spit all over the Christmas ham.

Because a full-out brawl over a country that is not even ours threatens to ruin everyone's Christmas lunch, here are some topics to argue about that are NOT Trump-related. They're not even close. Here goes:

Ham is better than turkey.

Mince pies are better heated than cold.

The glazed cherry is the worst food in existence. It shouldn't even be called 'food'.

Cheese before or after dinner?

Brie or Camembert?

Red wine or white?

Love Actually is the best movie that's ever been made.

People who fold their napkin neatly have deep-seated issues that should be addressed.

Ham is better cold.

The most passive aggressive Christmas presents on This Glorious Mess. (Post continues after audio.)

Christmas is better in the Southern Hemisphere.

Plain pizza is better than jam-packed-with-topping pizza.

Tomato. Not tomAto.

Tinder is ruining the universe.

Aunt Cheryl has actually gone mad.

Love is better than money.

All the reasons I will never be rich.

Sydney is better than Melbourne.

Queensland is better then New South Wales.

Winter is better than Summer.

Politics have no place on the Christmas lunch table.