"The real reason I don't give my children chores."

Do you give your kids chores? Or are you like me?

My Mother’s Day card from my five-year-old this year was telling.

“I love my mummy because she makes my bed.”

Whoops.

I do.

Every morning I tuck the little blue sheets in, fluff up his pillow and smooth out that quilted cover.

I keep thinking it’s time to stop. I keep thinking it’s time to teach some responsibility to that overindulged five-year-old.

Time for him to STAND ON HIS OWN TWO FEET.

Time for him to STEP UP.

But now I am faced with the added weight of it being the thing that makes him love me.

Geeze. That’s hard.

Here is a confession.

I also make my seven-year-old’s bed.

And the bed of my four-year-old.

It’s just one daily activity on a long, long list of things-that-I-do-for-my-kids. Alongside the cooking, the cleaning, the chauffeuring, the washing, the dressing, the helping and the nagging.

Even as I write this I am slightly ashamed. I know I should be getting them to attempt to make their own beds.

I know one day I will think to myself you made this bed, now lie in it. (Sorry had to work that in there somehow...)

Just as I should be getting my kids to take out the bins, and empty the dishwasher, to sweep up the leaves on the front path and to put away their folded washing.

There are so many things I should be getting them to do. But I don’t.

I do have “reasons.”

It’s too heavy to push, they might break a plate, it's slippery on those leaves, they put the clothes in the wrong drawers.

But I know they aren’t really the truthful reasons. I know if I am brave enough to admit it the REAL reason is simpler.

I can’t be bothered to give my children chores.

Bad parenting I know. I am sure there is a hashtag for me. #lazymama? #helicopterparenting?

It’s just so damn hard enforcing those chores when I do pull my finger out and try.

It always starts out well, we draw up a star chart. We get motivated. I psyche them up. It’s time. Every morning the kids are going to clear the table after breakfast and put their own dishes in the dishwasher and turn it ON.

Day one and day two often work out well. They can see those twinkling gold stars in their packets and can forsee a future of treats right within their reach.

But there is always something that railroads us.

A deadline. We are late kids, look I will just do it today, it’s quicker. Brush your teeth and put your shoes on instead.

A catastrophe. What on earth made you think you could put washing detergent in the dishwasher?

A distraction. Let’s just read the new Andy Griffiths book we bought yesterday, I will clean up later.

The fact is that as hard as they try, as keen as they are (at least for the first few days) I can do it better.

I know when I put the clothes away they are going to stay folded, when I empty the dishwasher the cups will go in the right place. I know when they wash the car, I will have to wash their clothes after they get soaked.

I know, I know that’s no way to parent. I know they need chores. I've read the studies. I’ve written about the studies.

But the fact is giving your kids chores is, at times, harder work than not. That whole following through business is a pain in the arse.

A recent study by Braun Research in the US found that 82% of parents reported having regular chores growing up, but only 28% said that they require their own children to do them.

Many cited the fact they were time poor as the main reason why they didn’t follow through with chores.

Sorting clothes and helping out at home fell to the wayside when faced with ballet lessons and maths tutoring.

This dad shows you a way to make chores fun. Post continues after video.

Marty Rossmann, Professor Emeritus at the University of Minnesota who conducted a study on chores told The Wall Street Journal:

“Giving children household chores at an early age helps to build a lasting sense of mastery, responsibility and self-reliance."

She found that young adults who began chores at ages three and four were “more likely to have good relationships with family and friends, to achieve academic and early career success and to be self-sufficient, as compared with those who didn’t have chores or who started them as teens.”

Whoops looks like I missed that early start.

The good bit is that it looks like I can keep that bed making gig as my own, as it seems the experts point out that chores such as making beds aren’t actually that beneficial at all.

Turns out what we should be making our kids do, are chores that are “routine and focused on taking care of the family (like dusting the living room or doing everyone’s laundry), not self-care (tidying one’s bedroom or doing personal laundry).

Looks like it's time to dust off that star chart.

How do you enforce chores in your house?

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