Does a clean kitchen lead to sex? Yes. Choreplay is the new foreplay.

Because a man doing the vaccum-cleaning is a bigger turn-on than the powerhead on my Dyson…

The author of this post is known to Mamamia, but for reasons that may become obvious, she has chosen to remain anonymous. 

Oh my God, it was hot. And wet. I was biting my lip trying to stop from crying out. He finished and a feeling of ecstasy washed over me.

He’d just done the dishes.

And my pants were around my ankles faster than he could say “got anything clothes that need washing too?”

It was choreplay. And it’s a legitimate form of foreplay.

Choreplay is the idea that you can get a man to do more around the house by gifting him a little sugar in the bedroom. It’s upsetting lots of feminists. “Oh it’s such a TIRED old stereotype about incentive cleaning for men” they wail. “Why can’t a man just clean without expecting a BJ at the end of it?”

HOLD UP ladies. Have you SEEN a man vaccum a floor? Wait until you do. Because it’s a bigger turn on than the powerhead on my Dyson. Because there’s fifty shades of grey dust under my couch and I’m sexily biting my lip with the anticipation of it being sucked up.

It’s no wonder it’s such a turn on.  Women are still doing the majority of housework. Which is pretty crap, considering the massive benefits of both partners doing it.

Research has shown that when you have a partner who shoulders their share of the chores, then you’re happier, have fewer conflicts, you’re less likely to divorce.  Another, different study shows couples that spend more equal hours in housework and paid work are having more frequent sex.

Well, this is one way to make sure dad is doing chores around the home.

When you hop into bed at night you don’t feel so used up by domestic drudgery. And all those factors point favourably to some sweet sweet poonani.

Sex isn’t a bargaining chip in this house and nor should it be. My boyfriend came house-trained. That is a horrible term for either a dog that doesn’t piss inside, or a decent human being that pulls their weight around the house. He knows his chores aren’t an added bonus for me, the hapless woman, but that it’s just part of a respectful domestic relationship. Hooray!

It’s not the same load each week but on balance it’s fairly equal: If he cooks, I clean. If he hangs out the washing, I fold it. Sometimes he puts the bins out, other times I put the bins out, it doesn’t matter who puts the bins out, because if they are full, they go out. We’re not jerks who have mexican standoffs over rancid bins because we flap our hands and yell “it’s not my job”. We just get things done if they need doing.

A definitive list of the 7 most avoided household chores.

But, my standards of cleaning are slightly higher, which means while he’ll pitch in, he won’t get down on his hands and knees to scrub the kitchen floor until it’s so sticky his foot could leave his shoe, and he could easily live with unvaccumed floors.

So when he DOES do those things, it’s pants off, and not just for another load of washing.  Because what’s sexy about it, is the mindset of it.

When men aren’t asked to do these things, when they’re not being nagged into doing it, or bribed with the promise of jiggery-pokery under the quilt, that is sexy.

When they do it not with the aim of a sexual reward but because they don’t want someone they love to be overburdened with extra domestic bullshit, that is sexy.

When you get home from the longest day at work to find them having cooked dinner and walked the dog and picked the dog shit up off the lawn, THAT IS SEXY.

Having a partner who does these things means there’s less space for resentment and more free time to pitch a tent under the sheets.

Sheryl Sandberg’s new Lean In project asks husbands to share the domestic load, and advises men if they want to do something nice for their partners that they should be folding clothes instead of buying flowers.

DID YOU KNOW?

When men share household responsibilities, their wives are happier and their marriages are stronger. Not only does marital satisfaction go up, but couples have more sex—“choreplay” is real!

But if your partner needs a gentle, coital coaxing, if you are going to use sex as a bargaining chip, don’t let us stop you. You’re going to have sex anyway, right? So you may as well have clean carpets.  And there’s no greater turn on than a man flexing a vacuum cleaner hose all over your mat.

Have you ever used sex as a bribe?