"Stop labelling kids. Just stop it."

We need to change the conversation. Now.

Here are just a few of the children in my neighbourhood.

There is “the one with ADHD”. There are the “dyslexic” sisters. There is a vibrant eight-year-old whom I’m told has “oppositional defiance disorder”.

A seven-year-old I have never actually spoken to who I know has been told is “troubled” as his father has a drug problem.

The five-year-old due to start school next year who is “the naughty one” and a four-year-old girl with ice blue eyes and an obsessional interest in Elsa who is more commonly described as the one with that sensory disorder.

Oh, there are more.

Should I continue?

There’s an “aspie”, the “kids with tics”, the ones stigmatised by their struggles with reading or maths.

What I know most of these children is through their labels.

I know nothing of the seven-year-old boy’s soccer skills or whether the little girl has an Elsa doll.

I know little about whether the naughty boy is funny, or sweet or creative.

I have no idea how the little boy labeled as ‘troubled’ is coping since the death of his mother.

All I know is what I hear over the froth of cappuccinos, and in the searing ashfelt heat of the playground pick-up.

The child with oppositional defiance disorder could be amazing at playing piano, she could have scored the winning goal at netball on the weekend or she could have taught her little sister to write her name before school.

But no one has told me this.

More and more all I hear are labels as a way to describe these kids and it is starting to make me sad.

Stop.

Let’s just stop this Mums.

Let’s stop this I ask of you Dads and grandparents, nannies and teachers.

Let's just stop alright. Stop labelling our kids.

I’m not denying these conditions exist.

I am not denying the benefits of discussing these complex disorders, I am not denying that naming certain behaviours can be a helpful tool in assisting kids - what I am fed up with is this constant pin-pointing of our kids.

One of the children above is my own. I am actually afraid to tell you who it is for fear that the label is what they’ll get stuck with.

Stigmatised.

We’ve battled my own child’s label for years now and can’t seem to break free from the judgment, the impression that there is one dimension to this child.

It’s a dangerous path to walk down and a difficult one to escape.

Psychotherapist Liza Finlay wrote for Today's Parent that labelling kids can "imprison them".

She says, "when we diagnose children with anxiety, or impulsiveness, or attention deficiency, we have given them a formal 'condition' that offers glum prospects."

The problem with these labels is the simple fact that adults talk.

There is nothing nasty or malicious in it, most of the time it is done with the intention it's creating empathy but the more mothers whisper about so-and-so’s therapy and what “that child has” the more the child gets labeled.

Labeled by other parents, by teachers and by their own friends.

Liza Finlay warns parents that labelling kids will ultimately harm them. She gives the example of ADHD.

"Once you’ve diagnosed your child with attention-deficit-hyperactivity disorder, you stop expecting that he’ll behave at the restaurant; then, you stop going, and his restaurant rehearsals come to an abrupt end. "

So how do we stop it happening? Well it’s complex.

Dr Vicky Plows, a Postdoctoral Research Fellow at Victoria University recently argued in a piece for The Conversation that labelling kids can have its upside.

"Labels, such as 'ADHD', can act as 'labels of forgiveness' relieving parents and children of guilt and blame and increasing the tolerance of teachers."

She says that labels can actually be used to assist kids by bringing those with similar experiences together, and it can help educators and medical professionals get extra resources and additional assistance.

What we as parents need to do is to stop the gossip.

Stop the chatter.

See past the labels, encourage our own kids to do so as well and see each child as the complex, unique, irresistible, delightful person that they ultimately are.

What do you think? Are labels bad for children?

Want more? Try:

“Why I didn’t give my daughter a first birthday party.”

“I forgot how to be a good mother.”