6 things only a mum of a child with allergies will understand.

My son was five months old when he was diagnosed with life-threatening food allergies. He’s now 11 and he and I have been learning how to manage his food allergies for his entire life.

I worry a lot about him as he gets older and I’m not always there to take care of him. Ultimately I have to trust that I have taught him well. Instead of teaching him fear and caution, I’ve focused on empowering him. Just like he cares for his health in so many other ways by exercising good personal hygiene, being careful when he crosses the road and wearing a helmet when he rides his bike, he is careful when he eats and carries his medication with him at all times.

Still, the fear is always with me. I’m a mum so that’s my job, I suppose, to be scared but hide it from my children.

I always thought he’d grow out of his allergies. I was told by many that he’d at the very least grow out of his egg allergy however it has gotten worse, not better.

“Any allergies he has now are for life,” we were told at his most recent doctor’s appointment. Any hope of an easier food future for him were gone, but we’re not alone in this. We have always been surrounded by incredible medical professionals helping us navigate it all and have made friends within the allergy community. I even have my brother’s best friend lending a hand. He has food allergies and he talks to my son about the strategies he uses each day to keep himself safe.

“You’ve got this,” I told my son. “You know what to do. I’ve kept you safe for this long and now I’m going to teach you to keep yourself safe.”

Still, it’s frustrating. Seemingly innocuous substances like eggs and nuts can threaten his life. Despite extensive research not much is known about the cause of food allergies and thus far, there is no cure, although there is some brilliant research taking place in Australia working towards a vaccine for some food allergies.

Sure, my son’s only 11, however everything I am teaching him now is designed to keep him safe forever.

1. Friends.

I don’t want my son to fear food or social situations surrounding food. I’ve always been there to help him make safe food choices however now that he’s older, he doesn’t really want me to stay and hover. Instead of being a pain and asking the host a million questions about the food they are planning to serve that day, I tend to drop off some foods that Philip can share with his friends, have a quick chat with the host about the food he can have and then leave. My son sends me a text if he has a food question, and he keeps him emergency pack on him at all time. With all that sorted, he is free to have a good time.

2. Education.

It was much harder to explain his allergies years ago. Now most people respect and comprehend the gravity of food allergies and the potential consequences of them not being managed properly. It’s been a while since I was challenged about the food decisions I make for him.

These days it’s more likely that someone will blurt out some stupid cause they’ve heard of which results in me feeling a little shitty. “Apparently it’s because you didn’t eat egg and nuts while you were pregnant with him.” Oh, you don’t say. Thanks so much for explaining that to me. I didn’t know you were a doctor. Oh you’re not? Interesting. My son and I have learned not to engage in much conversations about the whys and hows of food allergies. They just are.

3. Food.

Grocery shopping used to take hours. I’d stand there reading ingredients, trying to find food products he could safely consumed. Ingredients are complicated these days and everything says, “May contain traces of…” which is just the food companies way of covering themselves in case of any allergic reactions. It’s gone way too far. If I were to listen to that warning, he’d be left with nothing to eat.

It’s taken a lot of experimentation for us to find the foods he can safely enjoy. He’s also learning how to cook. By learning what goes into dishes he is learning what he can and can’t eat, and he is also learning what to make for himself and friends. We also watch those great reality food shows together and talk about dishes he can eat and that he can’t eat. We keep the conversation light. It’s just about staying informed about food and enjoying it without too much stress.

4. Empowerment.

The ultimate gift I can give my son is the ability to care for himself in an emergency situation. That means he needs to know how to use his medication. We go through it often and I’ve even had him explain it to people who are in charge of his care. We learn more and more every day.

He knows that if he starts to have an allergic reaction he is not to move, he must inject himself immediately and also ask someone to call an ambulance. Then he can contact me, once all of that is done. In reality he is too young to manage this himself and will need help but by talking about it and taking him through it all often he’ll be able to care for himself. I’ve watched him become less concerned about his food allergies now that he knows what to do and I feel the same way too.

5. Eating out.

We have a favourite local restaurant we go to often where we know there are plenty of choices for my son, even though he chooses the same meal over and over again. He is a kid after all. He always gets the steak with curly fries, gravy and tomato sauce. We stay away from Asian restaurants. They are total no-go zones, unless we are at our local Yum Cha and he can have spring rolls, the flat noodles with prawns and jelly. It’s just about getting to know enough places where we can eat out together.

When he eventually moves out of home he’ll go through the same process in his area until he finds those places that are safe and easy for him to eat at. Plus, by then he’ll be an awesome cook so he can always eat before he goes out.

6. The future.

Nobody told me that being a parent gets harder as your kids get older. You have less and less control over their lives. Even if your kids don’t have food allergies, you can spend so much time worrying about them. My mum still claims the years we each got our driver’s licences were the worst years of her life. Now that I’m a mum I totally get that. Especially when you have boys and you read so much news about the trouble they get into, particularly between the ages of 17 and 25. I have all of the usual concerns parents have about growing children with food allergies added to the very long list. Listing the things we aren’t worried about is probably easier. Still, that’s what parenting is all about.

Once again, all we can do is trust that we’ve raised them right, taught them everything they need to know and trust that they’ll ask if they need help with anything else. No matter how old he gets, I will always be around to give him advice.

I know the day will come when he has an allergic reaction and I’m not there. A friend of mine who has been an allergy mum much longer than me gave me a bit of comfort and clarity recently. Her son is allergic to peanuts and I was panicking over the proximity of satay skewers to the sausages he was currently eating. She said to me, “If something happens, it happens. We’ll deal with it.”

I understood. There’s no point fretting. Life can be dangerous, even for those without food allergies. It’s not like we can do anything about it so we just have to live our lives and deal with the consequences.

One day at a time.

Do your children have allergies? How do you manage them?

Here are some of the most common childhood allergies: