Chelsea Handler did a skit called 'A Day in the Life of a Childless Woman.' Cue outrage.

Nothing is certain in this world except death, taxes, excruciating drama on Married At First Sight... and people's inability to comprehend why some women choose to not have children.

The latest example of this comes in the form of comedian Chelsea Handler, who has never shied away from talking about her choice to be child-free. While standing in as host of satirical news program The Daily Show, she recorded a skit titled 'A Day in the Life of a Childless Woman', which was an obvious send-up of all the insufferable 'Day in the Life' videos on Instagram and TikTok.

Just another day. pic.twitter.com/Bf4cdBqunG

— Chelsea Handler (@chelseahandler) February 10, 2023

"This is a day in the life of a childless woman. I wake up at 6am, I remember that I have no kids to take to school, so I take an edible, masturbate, and go back to sleep," Handler says in the sketch.

It must be noted that while Handler uses the term "childless", the more acceptable term is "child-free". Child-free indicates a choice not to have kids, while childlessness may be due to infertility or life circumstances.

"I wake up at 12.30pm. I get ready for a busy day... of doing whatever the f**k I feel like. I put on my most impractical and stylish shoes since I won't be chasing a child around the grocery store. I go to my fave spot in Paris to grab a croissant. I do a meditation sesh on the plane since I have no screaming kids, allowing me all the time in the world to become enlightened," Handler's voiceover continues.

LOL. Image: The Daily Show.

"The weightlessness of my existence has granted me superhuman powers. I teleport myself back home. Then I get ready for a night out with whatever hot guy I met on [celebrity dating app] Raya that morning. I call up the babysitter and tell her I don't need her since I still don't have kids.

"Now it's time for a workout so I hit Mount Everest for a quick climb. I invent a time machine, go back in time and kill Hitler. It's amazing what you can do when you have this much free time. And that's a day in the life of a childless woman."

Humour is subjective, so subjectively I will say that the skit, which has gone viral, is HILARIOUS. It's obviously a parody. Satire. An exaggeration. A joke.

Unfortunately, and unsurprisingly, not everyone can take a joke about being child-free without assuming it is an affront to their own lifestyle choices. People - and when I say "people" I of course mean predominantly conservative parents - were blustering all over the place in outrage.

Fox News writer Justin T. Haskins tweeted this reply: "Yes, you're really living your best life, aren't you. Just to be clear, because it apparently needs to be said by parents, I wouldn't trade 10,000 of your supposedly carefree childless days in Paris and sleeping in until noon for one smile from my baby girl."

Television host Liz Wheeler piped up with: "I wouldn’t trade my beautiful, sweet daughter for all the 'self love' in the world because you know what? 'Self love' is just materialism & self-idolatry. It’s nothing. It’s empty. It’s vapor in the wind. But the tiny precious soul I’m shepherding? That’s eternal. It’s real love."

Dear America podcast host Graham Allen was aghast, tweeting: "This is the saddest thing I have ever seen, and also a reason for every young woman NOT to repeat your horrendous existence."

Republican candidate Robby Starbuck wrote: "You can't hide your misery."

Those are just four tweets amongst thousands. Handler's skit caught the attention of a number of conservative talk show hosts, such as The Daily Wire's Ben Shapiro. "This lady is miserable. I mean, she is miserable. It's written all over her face - how miserable she is," he said.

Fox News host Tucker Carlson, who said the point of the skit "is to make you feel good about being an ageing, deeply unlikeable woman who never had kids", invited right-wing radio host Jesse Kelly on his show to discuss this terrible atrocity to society.

"One day I'm 18 years old and I got a 0.0 grade point average in college – I'm not making that up – and I realised, 'You're not actually smart. Everything you’ve been told is a lie, Jesse. You're actually quite stupid and you're going to have to deal with that.' That's what you see women like Chelsea Handler, feminists like Chelsea Handler, going with now. They've been lied to by their society forever, that you can be a girlboss and you can do anything a man can do – which, everyone who's ever seen a woman back up a vehicle knows that's not true," Kelly told Carlson on Tucker Carlson Live.

"Either way, they've been told they should do a career and don't do a family, and soon you're Chelsea Handler. Soon it's Valentine's Day and your womb resembles a dried up tumbleweed blowing down an old Western town and your Valentine's Day date for the 10th year in a row is a 10-year-old copy of Magic Mike and half-full bottle of Xanax and you're trying to pretend like you're happy, but you're not happy and it's actually not her fault. She's been lied to by a country that's lost its way."

Yes. Those are actually words that came out of someone's mouth. On national television. ABOUT A COMEDY SKETCH.

While Handler's skit was abominable to many people, to many others it was delightful. And what made it even more delightful was how abominable it was to many people.

"I loved this video and then I saw all the defensive reactions below from people who can't stand the idea that parenting is optional and I loved it even more," wrote one fan.

"The replies to this are deranged. Bravo Chelsea," wrote another.

And another. "These comments delivered. God forbid a woman actually enjoy being childless."

"Somehow people didn't pick on [the video being satire]. I guess the teleporting and time machine wasn't enough. She even killed Hitler and they're still mad at her," noted another.

Handler responded to the conservative commentators the best way she knows how: with humour.

"Hey everyone, I woke up this morning, well, more like this afternoon and noticed there was an emergency meeting of the receding hairline society to discuss a comedy video I filmed about not wanting kids. Wow. Why would I even need my own children when I get to hear these crybabies all the time?" Handler said in a video posted to her social media.

She then proceeded to list all the things she's achieved in her life, including: lots and lots of money, Netflix specials, bestselling books, money, putting several people through college, and money.

"You guys seem so triggered by me. I mean, my goodness, Tucker, I think it is time to ask yourself a serious question. Are you really upset about how much freedom I have, or are you upset you haven't been able to take it away from me yet?"

DANG.

She then gave a "shout out" to Shapiro. "Thank you for helping my cause of not having children. Who needs the birth control pill when your voice is 100 per cent effective? I don't need a husband, Ben, because I'm in a relationship with myself. And at least in my relationship, someone can get a woman to cum."

SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT. THE BURN! THE BURN!

Her final word was for Carlson. "If you want to respond to my triggers, I will be happy to keep putting out videos as long you want. I think we both know you are hate masturbating to me. And I'm down with that."

MIC DROP.

Feature image: The Daily Show.

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