'I've been cheating on my husband for months. He thinks my lover is my "gay friend."'

As told to Ann DeGrey

My marriage started to turn to s**t when I turned 39 and my husband began treating me like I'm a teenager. Harry* is 18 years older than me so there's always been something of a generation gap, but he quickly turned into a frightening control freak.

If I went out with my girlfriends, I'd be given a curfew, which I usually obeyed and he'd freak out if I was even five minutes late. I only realised this was weird when my friends looked horrified when I told them I had to be home by 11 pm.

"What happens if you turn up at midnight? Will you be grounded?" they asked.

I did love Harry when we first married but now, I can't stand being around him. He is always finding things to be angry with me about and he is paranoid that I'll leave him for a younger man – or a man closer to my age. I never thought about cheating on Harry until he became so controlling. So I feel like he is responsible for setting up my "bad behaviour" and making me feel like a rebellious teen – if I'm being accused of being naughty, then I might as well live up to the accusation.

One day I couldn't find my phone and eventually found it in Harry's briefcase – he confessed he was worried I was cheating on him and wanted to set tracking on my phone without my knowledge. So he had trust issues with me long before I was really fooling around.

Watch: The difference between physical versus emotional affair. Post continues after video.

My friends can't understand why I don't leave him. But the answer is simple – I don't want to be a broke, single mum. I'd rather put up with my older grumpy husband and enjoy financial freedom. I also want our son to feel secure.

But now I've found a way to stay in my marriage and also enjoy my life and it’s all thanks to my "gay friend" Andy.

I met Andy online and told him right away that I was married but looking for a lover. We meet up for sex at his place at least three times a week – and, yes; the sex is incredible. We've gone away on several weekends together and I've even introduced him to Harry when he's come to pick me up.

The funny thing is Harry has absolutely no problem about me hanging out with Andy or dashing off for a weekend in the Blue Mountains – in fact, he is much more comfortable thinking I'm hanging out with a gay man than he is about any of my girlfriends. (He thinks they are a bad influence on me!)

How do we get away with it? Harry thinks I met Andy through one of my clients and that he has a partner called Michael who is an introvert, so he prefers to take me to events and that sometimes his sister joins us. You know what they say about adding lies to your lies? I hope I don't live to regret all the stories I've told about him.

It's all worth it because we have the best time together. One weekend, Andy hired a cottage in the country. We had champagne on arrival, got naked right away and had sex in the jacuzzi which was fantastic. Then we spent the rest of the day naked in bed, playing with my little bag of sex toys (another thing I hide from my husband). 

Andy is absolutely obsessed with my body. He thinks I am the most beautiful creature he's ever seen, and that's something I've never had with Harry. My husband is all about vanilla sex and if I ever ask him to let me try a different sex position such as reverse cowboy (my favourite) then Harry calls me "a slut". So the sexual freedom I have with Andy is amazing.

What's not great is the constant fear that I'll get caught. Harry suggested I invite Andy along with other friends for Christmas Eve drinks – I don't want to encourage that, so I told him Andy is overseas with his boyfriend. 

What if Harry has me followed? I wouldn't put it past him. If he sees me kissing Andy, or holding hands in public, I know our cover will be blown and then I'll be in strife. So moving forward, I need to be very careful. There's no way I'm letting Andy go, so I just need to keep up the "gay friend" story for as long as I can and hope that Harry doesn't ever ask to meet Andy's partner.

Feature Image: Getty.