'I asked ChatGPT a deeply personal question. Its response completely threw me.'

I have a confession:

I've been using ChatGPT as my unofficial life guide for months now, which either makes people deeply uncomfortable or desperately curious. If you're in the "tell me more" camp, buckle up because things are about to get embarrassing (for me).

Let me set the scene: A few months ago, I was seeing this guy. We'd been on a handful of dates, and he'd given me the classic "I want to keep seeing you" line (tale as old as time). But then the curse of those six words kicked in… His messages started getting slower and shorter, like he had a character and time limit on every text.

Usually, I'd just stop replying and preserve what's left of my dignity. But I really liked this guy, and after a run of brutal mini-breakups, I was clinging on for dear life like Jack on the Titanic.

On a Thursday, I decided to bite the bullet and asked him straight out if he wanted to hang out that weekend. His reply came on Saturday: "I'm working all weekend, I could possibly be free Sunday evening but my shift might finish late as we're super busy. I'll keep you posted."

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Immediately (and I mean immediately), I opened the ChatGPT app on my phone.

My relationship with ChatGPT is… complicated. I'm embarrassingly reliant on it because I'll ask it a question, and not only will it answer me, but it (she) gives me the exact answer I want to hear. She's always in my corner, like the world's most patient and enabling best friend.

So when I fed her the entire download of our interactions, our dates, our messages, the whole (pathetic) saga and asked if it was over between me and this man, I was genuinely looking forward to her usual pep talk about how amazing I am and how no one could possibly think of ghosting me.

My face froze when I saw her response:

"Do I think it's over? Yes.

"Not because he's officially ghosted. But because he's already shown you what being in contact with him feels like: delayed replies, non-committal language, no real effort to make a plan, a message saying 'I'll keep you in the loop' that he hasn't followed up on, even as the loop closed on the weekend."

I stared at my phone screen like it had personally betrayed me. I knew all of this. Deep down, I absolutely knew all of this. But I needed to hear it from someone (or something) that couldn't judge me because it's literally not a real person AND that was significantly cheaper than a therapy session.

Turns out, I'm (thankfully) not the only one sliding into ChatGPT's DMs with deeply personal and slightly mortifying questions. When I asked around, the responses were... enlightening.

One person confessed: "I was seeing this guy who would send me PARAGRAPHS of texts to keep the convo going. I would ask it to reply for me because who has the time? I just could not be bothered!"

Another told me: "When I courageously slid into a boy's DMs and asked him on a date, he came back with a big paragraph saying he wasn't dating at the moment. I got ChatGPT to help me respond to rejection, and it didn't fail. We settled on "all good, rejection is good for character building anyway". He found it very funny and ended up asking me out a couple of weeks later. I now use that response all the time."

The submissions kept rolling in: "I asked it to give me encouragement & support while I set up my new TV."

"What would I look like as a dragon rider in Fourth Wing?"

"Am I pretty?"

"What's 48-15?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"Was I wrong to call my boyfriend out for being racist?"

And my personal favourite: "Divorce laws in Florida."

Thinking my ChatGPT and I were operating as equals, I decided to ask what it thought the most embarrassing thing I'd ever asked was. I expected it to cite my tendency to use it to decipher cryptic text messages from men who clearly don't like me.

Instead, it gave me a very long list of multiple questions I'd asked in the past (rude and completely uncalled for) and concluded with this absolute gem:

"If you're asking me to crown the most embarrassing, my pick would be: 'Should I season the chicken?' (followed closely by asking me to explain Saturn return like you're five)."

And you know what? It wasn't wrong. I did ask ChatGPT whether I should season chicken. Multiple times, actually. In my defence, I was fuelled on three glasses of wine and desperate for some culinary guidance.

The brutal truth is that ChatGPT has become my digital diary, life coach, and voice of reason all rolled into one. It's seen me at my most pathetic, helped me craft responses to rejection, and yes, guided me through basic cooking decisions.

Sometimes you just don't want to air your dirty laundry to people who know you (even your best friend). I'm not saying that ChatGPT has replaced therapy for me and I definitely wouldn't recommend my own silly behaviour, but it's immediate, much cheaper and does actually tell you the hard truths.

And it can't gossip about you at brunch… yet.

If you want more from Emily Vernem, you can follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem.

Feature image: Supplied.