'I was finding being a working mum impossible. One decision changed it.'

Being a first-time mum has forced me to face parts of myself head on. I’ve been to the depths of self-deprivation and survived. My body has physically been to places I never thought it could. And I’ve learned to lean into all the imperfect moments that make up this beautiful journey.

But one thing I wasn't prepared to confront was my work ethic.

You see, before I became a mother my career was everything. As a TV host working for a major media company, I lived and breathed the entertainment industry. I dedicated every waking hour to filming interviews, preparing for red carpets, and writing breaking news stories. I thrust my whole being into ensuring I was the best at what I did and everything else in my life took a backseat.

Watch: Rebecca Judd on how she successfully juggles work and family. Post continues after video.

Then I fell pregnant and my whole world was turned upside down. To be honest, for the first 12 months of my daughter's life, everything felt like a blur. I swapped filming news bulletins for around the clock breastfeeding. Overnight, my perspectives changed and my sole purpose on this earth was to ensure that this beautiful little girl was happy and healthy. Maybe it's my type A personality and having been brought up in a family that always strived to be the best, but my obsessive nature pivoted. My focus switched from being the best at work to being the best mum.

I followed a sleep schedule to a tee; I made all of her meals from scratch and I made sure I was always keeping her entertained by reading, taking her swimming and teaching her about the world. This was my new job and I couldn’t see a world where I could ever work again.

Then as my daughter became a toddler, I started to entertain the idea of reentering the workforce. Partly because I felt like the fog was lifting and I had the capacity to use my brain in a creative sense. But, let's be honest, it largely came down to needing to make money again. Kids are expensive! I started to dip my toe back into work by freelancing. Slowly but surely I started to find my groove again, and I felt exhilarated by it.

Navigating the world of daycare was tricky at first but then we managed to find our new schedule and things started to fall into place. I now had a dual purpose - returning to my career and being a mum.

But as the work started to pile up, I felt myself being pulled further away from my daughter. I booked in extra days at childcare, asked family members to pick her up and most nights I was pulling something out of the freezer for her for dinner. Then the guilt started to rise. I felt like I was failing her as a mother. I had set such a high standard that in my mind I had to cook her a fresh meal every night; I had to be with her every day and I needed to be showing her the world. But instead I was working. 

On the career front, I wasn't faring any better. From the outside it looked like I was doing a great job. And don't get me wrong, I feel incredibly lucky to be a working journalist right now. But in the past I would have been chasing down bigger opportunities, pitching shows, reaching for the stars. The guilt and lack of time was eating me up.

I was failing at my dual responsibilities, and things became impossible in my head.

Maybe I wasn't one of those awesome parents who could do both. I'm surrounded by the most inspiring women in my life who have learned to juggle work and parenting. So, why was I failing?

And then it hit me. I didn't need to be perfect. I just demanded that of myself. And there was the answer: take the pressure off.

Listen to This Glorious Mess to know how returning to work after having a baby or raising a family can be incredibly daunting, and really hard to navigate. Post continues below.

I had set an unattainable set of standards for myself as both a professional and a parent. Something was bound to break. I've realised that I can still chase my career dreams and be a great parent to my child. Unlocking that idea has meant that I can finally loosen the knots I bound around myself to be the 'best' (whatever that even looks like).

I'm finding my feet and being more gentle on myself. My career will evolve as it should but it just might take a little bit longer or look a little different to the rigid parameters I once placed on it. And my role as a mother will continue to stretch my heart in ways I never thought possible and it will happen because I am doing the best I can for that little girl.

Moving forward, I'm easing the pressure on myself and finding how I can exist as a working mother. I'll say no to a work opportunity if I feel like my child needs me or I'll go after that exciting career move knowing that my daughter is safe and cared for. The juggle will always be there, but for now, I'm learning to ease into this new reality knowing that things won't be perfect. I won't be perfect. 

And for the first time in my life, I feel totally at peace with that.

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Feature Image: Supplied.