'My friend made me feel like I was a burden. Then I learnt about the "chair theory".'

There's a specific kind of sting that comes with realising your "close friend" doesn't value your friendship the same way you do. It's a quiet, confronting "oh" moment that usually happens right when you're most vulnerable.

For me, that moment arrived when a friend told me I was "asking too much" of them.

The "too much" in question? I wanted them to plan a catch-up once in a while so the mental load wasn't always on me.

I wanted a reply to my texts asking for advice that was more than just a "that sucks" before they launched into their own drama. I wanted them to be happy for my wins instead of meeting them with a side of bitterness.

Meanwhile, I was the one who would drop everything to help them when they needed. I was the regular shoulder to cry on and the loudest cheerleader in their corner.

So it's safe to say it was a rude awakening when I realised their lack of effort wasn't just "busyness", it was them making a statement — one I'd been too blind to see.

"I just don't care that much."

But as it turns out, I wasn't asking "too much"; they were just offering too little.

I recently came across the "chair theory" of relationships, and it didn't just help my brain make sense of it all; it completely changed how I view every person in my life. And I have a feeling it'll do the same for you, too.

The concept is simple. Imagine you walk into a crowded, buzzy restaurant. In the centre of the room is a table, and sitting around it are the people you value most in the world.

In a healthy friendship, the moment you rock up to this hypothetical table, your friends don't even hesitate. They see you standing, immediately offer to shift over, and they pull up a chair.

You don't have to ask. You don't have to awkwardly hover waiting for someone to notice. And you certainly don't have to beg.

There's a space for you because they want you there.

But then there's the harsh truth on the other side of the theory.

Sometimes the friends you've been saving a permanent seat for aren't doing the same for you.

"Some people… They let you hover on the edge, make you wait, ask for permission and act like your presence is an inconvenience," creator Nardose Mesfin explained in her viral video on the theory.

"If you constantly have to ask for a chair, you're sitting at the wrong table."

When I applied this to my own life, it was a total light-bulb moment. That friend I had been fretting over never pulled up a chair; I always had to ask. I was always the one hovering at the edge.

Ultimately, the wrong people will make you feel like you're a burden. You'll feel like you're asking "too much" when you're actually asking for the bare minimum in a relationship.

Like Nardose said, "You're always asking for a chair because they never planned on giving you one."

It's a brutal revelation, but it's also an empowering one.

Today, my "table" looks different. I have people in my life who match my energy; friendships that feel easy, thoughtful and, most importantly, balanced.

They're the kind of friends who have a chair waiting for me as soon as I arrive. And trust me, I count my lucky stars for them each day.

Because the right people don't make you beg for basic effort.

It's a confronting lens to view your social circle through, I know. But if you're currently standing on the sidelines of your own friendships, waiting for someone to notice you're there, this is your sign.

Stop waiting for a chair that isn't coming and leave the room. I promise you, there's another table waiting for you somewhere else — one where someone has already seen you coming and said, "Don't worry, I saved you a seat."

Because we all deserve that.

Feature image: Supplied.