'This is the worst reality show I've ever watched. I never want it to end.'

For the past few weeks, I have become utterly immersed in one reality show. That show is called Celebrity Traitors UK, and it's the worst thing I've ever seen.

And by worst, I mean that these people are so damn terrible at this show. They are literally the worst ensemble of players I've ever witnessed on any Traitors season.

But that's what makes it perfect TV. I never want this show to end.

Celebrity Traitors UK follows the format of the original BBC show, a series that featured non-famous people. This time around, a group of famous contestants live in a Scottish castle, competing in missions to win a charity prize fund.

Host Claudia Winkleman secretly selects three Traitors to murder a Faithful every night, while the Faithfuls try to banish the Traitors at the round table.

This year's cast features famous people like Alan Carr, Celia Imrie, Jonathan Ross, Stephen Fry, Charlotte Church, Tom Daley and Paloma Faith, but as an Australian, you probably won't recognise too many others.

Image: 10Play.

But that's not the point. This whodunnit game is going viral simply because the Faithful are so bad at banishing Traitors. Like, absolutely godawful.

At the heart of the season is Alan Carr, the most chaotic Traitor of all time. And no, that doesn't count as a spoiler; he becomes a Traitor within the first few minutes of episode one.

The RuPaul's Drag Race UK judge has created some of the funniest TV I've ever seen. Tasked by the other Traitors to deliver the IRL murders, Carr had to send fellow celebs packing by touching faces or casually dropping the words 'parting is such sweet sorrow' into a normal conversation.

"Why is it always me? I've always got to do the dirty work for these Traitors. I'm surprised they haven't got me up in that turret with a hoover!" he ranted afterwards.

On a recent episode, he attempted to convincingly tell his competitors, "I'm a Faithful," before breaking into a muffled laugh.

Best Traitor Award: Alan Carr
Worst Traitor Award: Alan Carr#CelebrityTraitors pic.twitter.com/cBTQiOsvmY

— Wayne (@MrWayneyB) October 30, 2025

Another episode, he broke character when he literally forgot he had a shield for the banishment — Traitors don't need them but you're supposed to pretend, Alan.

Despite Carr's erratic gameplay, the Faithfuls have literally no clue what they're doing. Each round table, they come up with the most nonsensical theories, following a pack mentality, and continuously voting off the wrong people, simply because they 'acted a little weird' or they reckon 'you'd be a great Traitor'.

In particular, witnessing documentarian David Olusoga's nightly theories that get worse every instalment is something to behold. Then there's journalist Kate Garraway, who has zero theories about anything, simply repeating the ideas of her famous friends.

Watch one of the hilarious moments from Celebrity Traitors UK. Post continues after video.

The season is a fascinating study of the social hierarchies among celebrities.

From the outset, it seemed obvious that either Stephen Fry or Jonathan Ross would be a Traitor — after all, they are the most famous 'big dog' celebs in the mix and it would be a bizarre choice not to utelise at least one of them as a treacherous Traitor.

Despite this 'big dog' theory lingering throughout the game, it took ages for the celebs to finally target Ross and Fry, likely because they didn't want to target two such high-profile and beloved UK celebs.

It's much easier to send home some random TikToker or out-of-work actor than a national treasure like Stephen Fry.

And then there's Celia Imrie, who never brought a lot of theories to the round table, but stayed in the game for ages just for being a true delight.

From shrieking during challenges to admitting to farting while Claudia delivered instructions, no one does it quite like Celia. A legend of the game is born.

Celia Imrie united the nation #CelebrityTraitors pic.twitter.com/T1yu6wQAvX

— Ryan Love (@RyanJL) October 30, 2025

In the absence of any strategic thought, the only person bringing accurate ideas to the banishment table is a random rugby player.

For days, Joe Marler had been telling anyone who would listen that Jonathan Ross was a traitor — spoiler, he was. The others' response? To accuse Joe of being a Traitor, of course.

More recently, his aim has shifted to singer Cat Burns and Alan — two correct picks — but he's the only person making any accurate guesses in the game.

Simply put, these UK celebs are hopeless — and I'm obsessed with them all.

If Joe Marler doesn’t win Celebrity Traitors I will be SO UPSET. What a man. #CelebrityTraitors #JoeMarler pic.twitter.com/wqoR5Je7wa

— tilly b 🤠 (@tillybrett98) October 30, 2025

There's just so much about this show that works.

Unlike the US celebrity seasons of Traitors, the winner doesn't pocket the prize money themselves (classic 'Merica!), they donate the fund to a chosen charity.

This makes the whole viewing experience all the more wholesome.

They're also just very nice to each other. There's no savage gameplay that's typically a trademark of this show. "We like each other too much," David Olusoga said at one banishment. "This has been our weakness."

Who needs nasty callouts and clapbacks when we have charming celebs eating lasagne and giggling about their ineptitudes? That's the kind of reality TV the world needs right now.

Celebrity Traitors UK can be streamed on 10Play.

Feature image: 10Play.