'They keep dressing up as... each other.' The celebrity Halloween costumes from 2019 make precisely zero sense.

It’s the morning after Halloween, and while tweets and articles and comments are dedicated to declaring which celebrity ‘won’ Halloween 2019, there’s an urgent issue I’d like to address.

It would appear that I have been fundamentally misunderstanding the point of October 31.

I've always been of the impression that Halloween is about scary things. Ghosts, witches, zombies, a phone call from an unknown number. Kylie Jenner singing 'rise and shine'. Getting a text from someone you don't like saying 'hey hey, are we still on for tonight? :)'.

Real screwed up sh*t.

Historically, it was intended to be a night where you dressed as a monster or a ghost so you couldn’t be distinguished from any ‘undead’ released to roam the night.

So costumes that make sense include a corpse bride, or a devil, or Jamie from The Bachelorette.

What doesn’t make sense is… literally every costume I’ve seen from 2019. Scary costumes, it seems, are now the exception, not the rule.

Photos of the Kardashian family - for whom Halloween appears to be a full time job - show them dressed as a variety of pop culture icons. None of which are remotely frightening.

Kylie Jenner dressed up as Ariel from the Little Mermaid.

 

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Ariel grew up.. ♥️

A post shared by Kylie ✨ (@kyliejenner) on Oct 31, 2019 at 12:24am PDT

But also Marilyn Monroe.

 

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M A R I L Y N ???? #HappyHalloween

A post shared by Kylie ✨ (@kyliejenner) on Oct 31, 2019 at 10:54am PDT

But also a Playboy bunny.

 

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????????

A post shared by Kylie ✨ (@kyliejenner) on Oct 30, 2019 at 12:01pm PDT

Jenner also dressed her daughter Stormi up as herself from the MET Gala, which must be a profoundly confusing costume for a one-year-old.

 

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My baby!!!!!!!! ???????????????????????????????????????????? i cant handle this!!!!

A post shared by Kylie ✨ (@kyliejenner) on Oct 27, 2019 at 5:54pm PDT

Kylie's older sister Kim dressed as Elle Woods, which again, betrays the purpose of Halloween.

 

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Legally Blonde

A post shared by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on Oct 31, 2019 at 10:06am PDT

Unsurprisingly, the only person in the Kardashian family to get Halloween right appears to be True, who dressed as a spider:

Then a bee (idk bee stings can give you a fright, and killer bees are pretty terrifying):

Then a LION:

True's only slip up was a rogue pumpkin costume, but I'll allow it:

Then again, what hope did True have when NO ONE AROUND HER UNDERSTANDS THE BASIC CONCEPT OF HALLOWEEN.

The holiday has literally now become an opportunity for celebrities to dress as... other celebrities. And that's not... the point.

For example, this year, Jessica Biel went as her husband, Justin Timberlake.

 

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This is what happens when you admit on TV that you don’t know any NSYNC songs and you’re married to @justintimberlake. Well played, husband, well played.

A post shared by Jessica Biel (@jessicabiel) on Oct 26, 2019 at 2:11pm PDT

Kevin Hart went as The Rock.

 

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???????????????????????? This shit makes me laugh. #NailedIt #HappyHalloween #PeepTheNapkinUnderMyElbow

A post shared by Kevin Hart (@kevinhart4real) on Oct 30, 2019 at 7:37pm PDT

Ciara went as Beyonce and her partner went as Jay Z.

Jay & Bey. pic.twitter.com/hSpu1ckwTs

— Ciara (@ciara) October 30, 2019

Kate Beckinsale and Jonathan Voluck went as Audrey Hepburn and Elton John.

 

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Don’t go breaking my heart, @jsauluck

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Oct 26, 2019 at 12:54am PDT

Gabrielle Union went as her own character from Bring it On, and creatively dressed her daughter as the same thing.

 

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Brought It. #CaliforniaLove

A post shared by Gabrielle Union-Wade (@gabunion) on Oct 27, 2019 at 1:50pm PDT

Halsey dressed as Cher.

 

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Been dying to try out a good @cher makeup forever and finally got to! ????????????????

A post shared by halsey (@iamhalsey) on Oct 27, 2019 at 2:55pm PDT

And Nina Dobrev went as Billie Eilish.

 

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DUH

A post shared by Nina Dobrev (@nina) on Oct 26, 2019 at 9:09pm PDT

Even the celebrities who didn't dress as other celebrities missed the memo about being scary. There were nurses and Austin Powers characters and (admittedly, slightly terrifying) historical figures.

I’m here to assist your shhhttaaaankin ass❤️ pic.twitter.com/7cKkdDFrQC

— iamcardib (@iamcardib) October 27, 2019

 

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Fred

A post shared by ???? (@bellahadid) on Oct 31, 2019 at 10:42am PDT

 

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Ohhhhh behave. U look smashing baby

A post shared by Patrick Schwarzenegger (@patrickschwarzenegger) on Oct 26, 2019 at 12:11pm PDT

 

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Sleeping beauty!!

A post shared by Sofia Richie (@sofiarichie) on Oct 31, 2019 at 10:55am PDT

Make a wish ????‍♂️????‍♂️ pic.twitter.com/HMiz0AWnj8

— Deandre Hopkins (@DeAndreHopkins) October 29, 2019

 

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Halloween round 1... I told y’all I don’t play on Halloween!! It’s my time to shine ????✨ glam team killed it ???????????????? @etienneortega & @paulnortonhair ????????????

A post shared by Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) on Oct 25, 2019 at 1:05am PDT

 

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happy halloween from scoob n shag ♥️ @sonwhiskee thank you so much for having us sis ???? @parishilton

A post shared by PK (@parisjackson) on Oct 24, 2019 at 11:00pm PDT

 

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halloween is here and wintour is coming

A post shared by Liza Koshy (@lizakoshy) on Oct 27, 2019 at 5:35pm PDT

 

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*pickle rick voice* I’M SEXY RICKKK (and yes that’s glitter on my chin for his ~iconic~ drool)

A post shared by camila mendes (@camimendes) on Oct 27, 2019 at 11:29am PDT

 

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Last night’s #KISSHAUNTED show was so much fun I almost took flight

A post shared by Liam Payne (@liampayne) on Oct 26, 2019 at 6:22am PDT

 

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KILLA. ????

A post shared by Lil Nas X (@lilnasx) on Oct 31, 2019 at 1:11pm PDT

But, pls.

These. Are. Not. Scary.

These. Are. Just. Costumes. You. Wanted. To. Wear.

Which is fine. But they have precisely nothing to do with Halloween.

Interestingly, when I did some research, I found the history of Halloween isn’t necessarily all ghosts and monsters. According to one theory, dressing up originated from the idea of hiding your identity from the dead. So over time the philosophy has become ‘the more original the better’.

Still – surely there are other occasions for people to dress up just for the sake of it. Halloween is fundamentally defined by spookiness, the supernatural, and (in the US and Europe) the beginning of winter – a time of darkness, coldness and (in the past) a great deal of human death.

Only one celebrity nailed Halloween this year, and yes, it was Ariana Grande.

 

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eye of the beholder ???? ????

A post shared by Ariana Grande (@arianagrande) on Oct 30, 2019 at 3:48pm PDT

 

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outtake from the my everything shoot

A post shared by Ariana Grande (@arianagrande) on Oct 31, 2019 at 3:08pm PDT

Your face, my friend, is terrifying.

And THAT is what Halloween is all about.