'I know who you are.' I was the other woman. And I had absolutely no idea.

It was 2am, and I woke up to my phone vibrating. The text was from an unknown number and the message read: 'I know who you are. I know everything about you. I know where you work, and where you live. I will ruin your career and you’ll never work another day in the industry again.' Fair to say I wasn’t getting back to sleep after reading that one.

Rewind 18 months to when I met, him. The company he was working at and where I worked were collaborating on a project together. He was highly ranked, and I was a grad. Despite this, I knew we had to work closely together. I flew up to Sydney from Melbourne to meet him and his team in-person after emailing back and forth for a few months ahead of the meeting. In the meeting, despite the clear age gap (I was 23, and appeared to be late 30s), he really listened to what I had to say. He made me feel like I added value to the discussion, laughed at my jokes and told me he was excited about bringing my ideas to life.

Watch: Coercive control is a deliberate pattern of abuse. Post continues after video.

That night, his company hosted drinks with the marketing department. He wasn’t there; I was told that he had to host International execs from his company. Right as the night was winding down, he showed up. He told me it was important for him to make sure he swung by. Despite the gesture, the conversation wasn’t flirtatious. I was too aware of his rank and his age, and to be honest felt quite intimidated by that. He put me in an Uber after about half an hour and I went back to my hotel and that was that. We didn’t see or speak to each other for another year.

The company I worked for went under, and I found another great job in marketing. Once I updated my LinkedIn update, my phone pinged not long after. He was interested in my new role and wanted to find out more. He told me he was coming down to Melbourne for work and would love to do dinner. I was so taken aback by the gesture from someone so experienced and senior in the industry, I said yes. That dinner would change everything. 

We met at a restaurant the week after. I wasn’t nervous leading up to it, simply because - naively - I didn’t think he thought of me that way. However, that all changed after a cocktail or two. We sat closer, our bodies started to face each other and we would lock eyes for a few seconds too long before looking the other way. I was very aware that he wasn’t wearing a ring. However, he spoke about his kids. When I asked what his material status was, he told me he and his wife were separated.

As we left the restaurant to head to another bar, he put his hand around my waist. He asked if he could kiss me. It was electric. The energy completely shifted and with no words being exchanged we ended up at his hotel. I remember him looking at me like I was a china doll. He loved watching me take off my clothes, loved that I wore liquid eyeliner, matching lingerie, and that I wore heels. He just kept telling me how amazing I was, and I loved to hear that - from him.

From then on, he flew to Melbourne every opportunity he got. It was days texting back and forth; him sending gifts to work. We had many hotel stays and dined beautiful restaurants. Sex between us was so passionate, and I loved the way he would look at me, hold me and I could just tell he constantly wanted more of me. We would talk about our future, the fun we would have and the places we would go.

However, I didn’t tell any of my friends and family. It didn’t feel like something that I could tell my friends about without a million questions and concerns; about him being old, being separated and having kids. So it was our secret and I think we liked it that way. It added to the passion of it.

It went on for months. Then I received that 2am text. 

Later, I asked him if he knew the number. He told me it was his ex-wife, but after doing some further digging I discovered there was no 'ex' about it. He was still married and living with his wife and kids.

I'd had absolutely no idea. 

Our energy completely shifted. He became obsessive and territorial. He could tell I wanted out.

The abusive messages from his wife kept coming in and I never knew what to reply. 

Breaking things off was impossible. He didn't want me to go. But I knew I had to. A month later, I went on a date with a guy who had been asking me for a while. He was very polite, very cute and I could tell was the breath of fresh air I needed.

After the third date with him, he called me telling me, "Clearly you have some sh** going on in your life and you need to sort it out. I think you’re lovely, but I just don’t want to deal with drama." Confused, I got off the phone to him to see a text from HIM reading: "Sweetheart, I got rid of any distractions so it can go back to you and I." 

He had called this guy at work and offered him $10K to stay away from me. The other lovely guy had told him he didn’t want his money and hung up.

It took a lot to get him out of my life, and to move on. At this stage, it wasn’t just that he had a wife. It was the intense control that I realised he wanted over me. He told me he’d buy me an apartment, a car, and get me my dream job. He was trying to get me to get rid of everything and move to Sydney.

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Eight years later, despite being blocked on everything I can think of, he texted me before my wedding telling me he was going to wait for me at the bar we used to go to together. He’d create new numbers and burner accounts and find me on social media.  

As a 24-year-old, the entire experience shook my world. But it also taught me a lot. 

The author of this story is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons.

The image used is a stock image.

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Feature Image: Getty.