A tale of bad sex: Why Izzy found herself in bed with a man she didn't like.

Recently I read the confronting yet totally relatable short story, Cat Person, by Kristen Roupenian. Like most of the female population, the story resonated with me, both from personal experience and also a friend’s encounter.

Everything from questioning why a guy might be acting a certain way to being totally into them and then totally repulsed by them hit a nerve with me and my friends. But what resonated most was the part about settling for bad sex… because let’s face it, we’ve all been there.

Listen: Mia Freedman, Holly Wainwright and Jessie Stephens talk about Cat Person and what makes it so brilliant. (Post continues below…)

Reading the story, I was instantly reminded of friend’s encounters with a character very similar to Robert. It got me thinking, how often do women find themselves settling for mediocre sex rather than avoiding the awkwardness of rejecting the guy they’re not really into? Whether it’s some tiny thing that repulsed you, or you just simply can’t be bothered, somehow, the option of being honest is worse than going through with bad sex.

Last weekend I was catching up with my high school friends, we don’t often get a chance to catch up so when we do, we talk about everything and anything.

My friend Izzy* started talking about a guy she had met on Saturday night. They had matched on Tinder earlier in the week and he ended up coming to meet her out with some mates. Instantly, her story reminded me of Margot in the short story.

Now to give a bit more context, Izzy messaged this guy that day in a state of sheer boredom and asked him to grab a drink. He replied, ‘I’m out with the boys tonight but shall we meet up later?’. Eventually, 10:30pm rolled around and a few Aperol Spritzes in, she told him to come meet her. Then at midnight, Prince Charming himself arrived at the bar and they danced the night away. (Probably add in a cheeky d-floor pash or two here too.)

This guy, Richie*, was apparently a 10/10 in the looks department and a solid eight personality. Izzy’s got stupidly high standards, so this guy must be model material. A few drinks in Izzy decided she’d go home with him.

Izzy never does stuff like this, we all know that of her. In fact, in my time knowing her she’s only ever had two one-night stands. But sometimes choices are blinded by beauty and a little bit of booze, so in the Uber she got.

They went up to his room where he said he had a ‘No Jeans Policy’ (of course he does!). That’s super weird, obviously, but at this point Izzy was kind of having fun and thought, why not?

And so Izzy found herself giving into his advances (his ocean blue eyes and solid jaw line made it pretty impossible not to), but at the same time, she was also not wanting to look too easy, wondering if he would think of her differently if she went all the way? She was also slightly turned off by the lack of cleanliness in his room. Had he not heard of dusting? And why were there so many beer bottles on the floor? And so she changed her mind and they stopped kissing and went back to talking.

For the next hour they talked about who knows what, all the while Izzy was distracted by the stench of stale cigarettes and beer that was filling the room. Who smokes in their bedroom these days? Gross. Plus, the more they talked, the more she realised he was actually a little bit of a flog and she didn’t actually want to spend any more time with him. Is it weird to bail now? After going to the effort to go to this guy’s house and abiding by the ‘no jeans policy’?

And so the battle in her brain had started. Turned off by Richie’s lack of cleanliness, and his flog squad comments, combined with trying to decide whether he’s worth adding another name to her 'list', she lay there wondering how was she supposed to get out of it now? She contemplated ordering an Uber, and lying about having an early start, but it was a Saturday night and he knew she worked Monday to Friday so that wasn’t very believable. Plus calling an Uber at this point would mean awkwardly waiting until the car arrived. Then she contemplated ‘falling asleep’ instead, but was worried he would think she was an idiot lying in his bed in her undies and not actually wanting to do anything.

And while all this was going through her head, he was oblivious to the fact that she was getting more and more turned off by his attempts to be sexy. Do people really bite their bottom lips these days? Ew. But then again, he was bloody hot and could be kind of charismatic in an arrogant-spoilt-rich-kid kind of way. And so, convincing herself that it wasn’t such a bad idea, Izzy and Richie had bad, three-minute, drunk sex.

Izzy was laughing as she was telling us this story, it wasn’t even good, not even worth it, but it was easier the rejecting the poor guy and so she took one for the team. All the while thinking about her exit strategy and whether any Maccas were open at this time of night.

We all sat there listening to her tell this story and we were divided on the matter, why did she go through with it if she was that turned off by him? Some of the girls thought she needed to stand up for what she wanted (or didn’t want). Call the god damn Uber, you owe him nothing, a few of us protested. But then a couple of the girls could relate, saying that sometimes it’s just easier to go through with it then to make it awkward and reject them.

This whole scenario got me thinking, there were so many signs that indicated to Izzy that she didn’t want to sleep with that guy and, yet, she did. She became turned off by some of the things he said and did and the state of his room, and yet excused it by his level of hotness and the fact that he is in fact maybe charming and misunderstood.

She found herself battling with the question of should she or shouldn’t she, which in itself, is the answer, if you ask me. Ultimately her wants and needs took the back seat in an effort to keep this guy happy.

Like Margot in Cat Person, Izzy found herself just 'going through the motions' because she felt bad or embarrassed about letting the man down once things got that far. The fear of the awkwardness of stopping mid-act and being like ‘you know what, I’ve lost interest’ outweighed the fact that she’d rather be at home watching Netflix in her pyjamas with a Big Mac in her bed, alone…

I totally understand the logic. Hell, I’ve done it. Sometimes it’s easier to just go through with it then to deal with the gaucheness of rejecting a guy last minute.

But I feel like people, often women, get caught up in this notion of trying to please the man and feel a sense of responsibility if they do end up in their bed, like it’s a contract they must abide by for fear of awkwardness or letting the man’s hopes and dreams of a wild night down.

And perhaps I’m being a bit harsh on men here, who knows, maybe they’ve found themselves in a similar position too. But judging by the perplexed reaction men have had to Cat Person I’m going to hedge a bet and say not.

Feel free to challenge me on that though…

You can read the full Cat Person short story on The New Yorker here. 

Georgia is one half of The Lonely Hearts Club, an events company for single chicks, that are all about finding mates not dates. To keep up to date with the latest events for single chicks head to, www.thelonelyheartsclub.com.au or follow us on Instagram.

You can listen to the full episode of Mamamia Out Loud, here.

*Names have been changed.