'I just couldn't take it anymore.' Candice Warner on the fallout from the 2007 bathroom incident.

Warning: The following deals with pregnancy loss and suicidal ideation.

Candice Warner has hit rock bottom twice in her life.

The first time, she was just 22. 

She was Candice Falzon then, known best as a successful IronWoman until she was mercilessly slut shamed by the press and online commentators over an encounter with rugby league star Sonny Bill Williams at the Clovelly Hotel in 2007. 

That night, Warner was out with friends after a day at the races, when she found herself "chatting" and "flirting" with the then-21-year-old Bulldogs star, who was out celebrating a win with teammates.

Recalling the incident on The Sunday Project, Warner said the pair wanted to find somewhere private and ended up in a bathroom cubicle. 

"The last thing we wanted was everyone looking and all eyes on us, so we thought we would go to somewhere that was more private. Clearly we went to a place that was unacceptable," she told host Sarah Harris. 

As the rest of the country would come to learn, a member of the public had filmed the pair without their knowledge, the media acquired the footage and committed the details of their drunken liaison to paper for everyone to gape over.

Candice Warner has been part of some of Australia's biggest headlines, from toilet cubicle trysts to Sandpaper-gate in South Africa. Now, she's reclaiming her story and spoke to @SarahHarris in this #TheProjectTV exclusive. pic.twitter.com/BmQJRPjoHF

— The Project (@theprojecttv) April 16, 2023

But despite what some speculated, Warner told Harris the pair simply "kissed" that night. 

"We kissed in that cubicle and who knows what could have happened? Maybe things may have eventuated, I don’t know, and I will never know, but what I do know is that I probably could have stopped that photograph going out."

"I should have just picked that phone up and deleted it" she said. "I shouldn’t have gone into the men’s bathroom, but I can’t change any of those things."

Predictably, only one reputation was scarred.

"It was incredibly unfair, that double standard, but it wasn’t just me at that time who was treated like that," said Warner. 

"Most women were treated like that. For men, it was high-fives and 'tell me all the details' but for women we were pigeonholed to be a certain person or a certain type of person... It still blows my mind to this day how I was forced to apologise for a drunken pash that I had on a night out."

The fallout caused so much "pain" and left Warner in a dark place. Eventually she drove to a notorious cliff-top location. 

"I just thought 'this is it', I just couldn’t take it anymore," she said as her voice broke. 

"I couldn’t take the headlines. I couldn’t take disappointing my parents. I couldn’t take it all. It was all too much."

Thankfully, she called her older brother Pat, who picked her up and continued to check in on her daily. 

"I felt I needed to get to that point to move on to some degree," she said. 

Reflecting on the fallout from the toilet incident on Mamamia's No Filter podcast in 2020, Warner said "that was the first time I hit rock bottom".

"I got through that. So I knew I was quite resilient."

Then came 2018.

"I couldn't believe what I was seeing."

The events of the Australia versus South Africa test series are infamous. 

There have been thousands of column inches, hours of television and radio commentary, books and documentaries dissecting it; from the tea-break altercation between David Warner and South Africa's Quinton de Kock, to the "Sandpapergate" ball-tampering scandal.

Candice Warner's perspective, though, isn't about sporting conduct or wounded national pride. It's about public shaming, two small children, and a spouse's succour in the face of a deep personal loss.

"I was just at the cricket watching my husband play, like any other time, with my kids there... We're in the crowd. And all of a sudden, he's walking off. And there was an exchange in between the change rooms where one of the South African players had said something to David about me [Warner has never revealed the comment, but previously described it as "vile and disgusting"]," she told No Filter.  

"So from that, David retaliated. He didn't hit him, but there were words. David got fined for sticking up for me, which I don't have an issue with because he was defending his wife... Look, there are different ways to approach situations; maybe his approach wasn't the right way. But when you grow up in Maroubra [where Candice was raised] or Matraville [where David was raised], that's just how you deal with things — that's all we know."

The next match, South African fans got personal.

PHOTOS: While security was instructed to confiscate Sonny Bill Williams masks, these ones did get into St George's Park. #SAvAUS pic.twitter.com/D0jtTEJw5h

— SA Cricket Magazine (@SACricketmag) March 9, 2018

"I turned up to the game and, all of a sudden, there were people wearing [Sonny Bill Williams] masks, there was a songbook written about me that was handed around the crowd. I'm sitting there with my mum next to me, because she travels with us at times, and my two daughters. And I couldn't believe what I was seeing. People were tweeting me, photographing the songbooks, photographing the signs. 

"It was humiliating. It was so hard. And also knowing that my husband was there, seeing all this, hearing all this, and trying to perform and play the best that he can for this country. I felt guilt because of my past — it's affecting his performance, it's affecting the team's performance. I was embarrassed. I didn't know what to do. The one thing I did know is that I had to keep turning up, keep supporting my husband and showing these gutless people that I'm stronger than they are."

Then, during the final match in Cape Town, Australian player Cameron Bancroft was caught covertly roughing the ball with sandy sticky-tape to make it swing more when bowled. 

He, along with captain Steve Smith and vice captain David Warner were banished from the tournament and packed onto flights home. 

David Warner at a press conference after the ball-tampering scandal. Image: Getty. 

When they arrived back in Sydney, Warner, who nobody knew was pregnant at the time, her husband and two daughters were swarmed by the media. 

"We got ushered through the secret way, or whatever they call it. And that's when I started to feel like we were criminals, and I just broke down. I just didn't think we deserved to be treated like criminals."

"For my kids to have to be confronted by the flashes of the cameras and the microphones in our faces... As a mother and all you ever wanted to do is protect your kids. It was it was very, very, very difficult."

"People said that we used our kids as human shields, and things like that. It's like, we're parents, what do you want us to do with their kids? Should they walk out on their own?"

David, who was suspended from the sport for 12 months and charged with bringing the game into disrepute, later fronted a press conference, offering a tearful apology.

A week later, Warner experienced pregnancy loss.

"I'm not saying that the incident cost me a baby. But I think it certainly contributed to the fact - all the stress and all the pressure during the pregnancy," she told The Project. 

In June 2019, Warner welcomed the couple's third daughter, Isla Rose. 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Mrs Candice Warner (@candywarner1)

The following year, Waner appeared on the grueling reality show SAS Australia. It was a chance to achieve something of her own again, to reclaim her identity.

"[Shame] is just something you learn to deal with. You just know that every day gets better and better. And we are very lucky, we have sport, because with sport you have redemption. So you have the opportunity to prove yourself wrong, you have the opportunity to score big score, and people go, 'Wow, look how well he's come back.' ... You just have to learn to deal with it, and you know that through hard work and just doing the right thing, people will eventually see that and appreciate it."

You can listen to Candice Warner's interview on the 'No Filter' podcast here. 

If you think you may be experiencing depression or another mental health problem, please contact your general practitioner. If you're based in Australia, 24-hour support is available through Lifeline on 13 11 14 or beyondblue on 1300 22 4636.

If you or a love one has experienced pregnancy loss, 24-hour phone support is available from Sands Australia. Please call 1300 072 637. 

This article was originally published on November 23, 2020 and was updated on April 17, 2023.

Feature image: Channel 10.

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