Could you go an entire day without doing this?

by JO ABI

I have a mouth like a trucker, and this is fitting because for the past three years my husband has been a trucker. I f-bomb more than I care to remember. And I used to think ‘shit’ was bad.

Picture this…a sweet, innocent, naive young girl decides she wants to be a radio announcer. She’s Italian so she’s still living at home. She manages to nab her dream job and lands a gig as a breakfast radio co-host and is suddenly thrust into a mega-cool swear-friendly environment. At first she tries to tone down the language but soon gets sick of being the one nagging everyone to watch their language. It is a rock station after all. Soon she’s contributing just as much to the swear jar as everyone else. And she’s happy about it. She finally belongs.

But f&$# is it hard to stop swearing.

I have three children and I usually limit myself to the occasional ‘shit’ here and there but stubbing my toe results in a completely involuntary f&$# and my children have been known to drop a swear-bomb from time to time, usually resulting in me laughing and saying, “How cute, he said ‘ship’ or how cute, he said ‘truck’.”

It’s not good.

There are certain friends who bring out my colourful language more than others. One friend in particular is a mum like me and what we hold back around our children we more than make up for every weekend at work. F that’s great. F that sucks. F I need a coffee. Is it really necessary?

Could I go for an entire day without swearing? I think I’d struggle. I try and cut down and I struggle to do that. I mean, shit, it’s a bad habit and like all bad habits it’s hard to break.

It’s just that swear words are the perfect sound to immediately release emotion, pain, frustration…maybe it’s healthy to drop an f-bomb from time-to-time (and then threaten your kids with death if they ever repeat it).

I am going to try swear-word-replacement-therapy, otherwise known as SWRT (I just made this up). Every word will be replaced just as my mum used to do when I was little.

Shit = sugar

F = fudge

Arsehole = idiot

Motherf&$#er = mother

Damn = oh no

Dick = prick

Prick = idiot

Bitch = mole (thanks Puberty Blues)

Bastard = idiot

C&$# = well, this is the one swear word I manage not to use!

I know, should need swear words or replacement swear words at all but Dr Phil always says that to break a bad habit you have to start off replacing it with something. Let’s see how I go.

It’s just not lady-like. Time to clean it up!

I can at least give it a f&$#ing go. I mean shit, it can’t hurt, right?

Jo Abi is the author of the book How to Date a Dad: a dating guide released by Hachette Livre Australia.  You can read more about her many and various exploits here.

How much do you swear? Do your kids ever swear?