'I love my husband, but this one compliment he constantly gets frustrates me.'

I love my husband.

This is an obvious statement, but one I feel I need to make given what I am about to write.

My husband and I have been together for more than six years now, married for two.

When I introduced him to my family, I was nervous — my family is Pakistani and Muslim, and he was a white boy I found at university. My anxiety was for naught, though — they loved and accepted him instantly, and now I joke that they even love him more than me.

Though sometimes, maybe it's not said in jest.

Watch: Glennon Doyle Untamed Her Marriage. Post continues below.

You see, my family are always telling me how "lucky" I am to be with my husband, and it's a compliment I also receive (or rather, he does) from strangers and colleagues too.

Things you should know about me — I can be loud, opinionated, argumentative and have a strong (read: stubborn) sense of justice. I'm incensed by things I deem to be unfair and often get lost in passionate monologues on topics I feel intensely about (it's probably what makes me a good writer).

While these are traits I feel no shame for, people definitely expect me to — especially as a young woman (and an eldest daughter of immigrant parents, too, given the cultural expectations).

Initially, when people told me I was lucky to have a partner like my husband in my life (supportive, caring, loves me unconditionally, etc.) I heartily agreed and sang his praises. But when these compliments began plaguing me everywhere I went, they started to feel backhanded.

The turning point was when a family member told me: "Wow, he's so into you when you talk!" The fact that this was deemed unexpected enough to comment on was disturbing — we just got married! You'd hope he is into me!

It should be normal for a man to like his wife. C'mon now.

As time went on and compliments regarding his love for me continued, the implication soon became that I was lucky that he tolerates me. How odd for a man to be so patient with such an unruly wife! A gentleman with a shrew!

I realised I was being stereotyped as an angry brown woman — and my husband the gentle giant who loves me despite what I am. How selfless and kind of him, right?

Of course, the sexist implications are obvious: women who are opinionated or staunch in any way are unlikeable witches. We know this. But what we don't talk about enough is how much good men are praised and lauded for the bare minimum.

I'm tired of people telling me I'm "lucky" to be with my husband.

Yes, maybe I can be irritable and difficult and sometimes have rage issues. I'm also fiercely protective and loyal to my loved ones. I love to cook, and I bake everyone's birthday cakes. I'm my best friend's emergency contact and the one my family calls during a crisis. I am selfless with my friends to a fault, principled about my beliefs and I would rather be right than be liked.

Yes, my husband is loving, compassionate, gentle, and an actual genius. He wows me every day with how clever he is, and he is sweet, affectionate and eager to help. He is creative and inspired, and he always offers to make friends dinner and drive them home. He makes me a better person. He can also communicate poorly, misplace his anger and be forgetful to a degree that drives me insane.

The same traits that people believe he loves me despite of, are actually the traits he loves me because of. We are both people who are flawed, and who are loved, and we are together not out of "luck" or some twisted sense of duty or tolerance. We are together because we choose to be, every single day. Because we want to be. Both of us.

People, consciously or not, deem it "lucky" he chose to be with me because, to some degree, they deny me agency in our relationship. They imply I — and women like me — spend our lives waiting to be "picked".

Why is it so hard to believe that a man can love me? Why does loving women turn a man into a saint?

While maybe this particular experience is a little specific, I'm sure many women can relate to their husbands being praised for the bare minimum — whether that's being a good dad, helping with household chores, or in my case, actually liking his wife.

This mindset isn't just frustrating — it's a slippery slope that can lead to the enabling of actual misogyny.

Think about it: how many times have women stayed in relationships with men they don't love because at least they're not actively awful to them? How many times have you heard a woman in a toxic relationship say, "Well at least he doesn't hit me?"

When we treat loving your wife as an exception and not the rule, we pave the way for harmful relationships to be normalised.

Feature image: Supplied.