"Comments on my 3-year-old son's appearance have gone from cute to downright offensive."

My three-year-old, Lenny, has red hair. I know he has red hair. He knows he has red hair. Yet still most people still find it necessary to tell us he has red hair.

When he was a baby people would pat him (like a dog) and I was and still am genuinely bemused by all the fuss about his hair colour. I, of course, think it’s beautiful and like most mothers feel a bit proud that he has this special feature that others love to comment on. We have actually had people chasing us down in the street to tell us our son has red hair.

One middle aged business man in the city paused his phone call to say, “Oh, I used to have hair just like that”. He was now mostly bald with wisps of grey. It was strange, but lovely that he felt compelled to say something, like he was seeing himself in this little boy and the sense of nostalgia overwhelmed him.

And there is a certain camaraderie among red heads - most often the comments we get are from someone with equally copper locks. So yes, it's lovely (if ever so slightly annoying when we're in a rush) and I've even found myself becoming that person, including one particularly creepy moment with a check out chap at the supermarket.

But lately, particularly as Lenny gets older, I've found the comments turning a little dark, bordering on downright offensive, and it's bringing out my mama bear.

For instance, we were recently with Lenny's cousins at a restaurant (Ok it was Hungry Jacks, but whatever) and an older couple was sitting across the way.

At the end of their meal they came over to our table and I thought I was going to have to apologise for the behaviour of our four boys under four, when the woman turned to Lenny and said, "Look at your red hair! Do you know what they call redheads? Rangas. Like Orang-utans - you have orang-utan hair."

Ummm... Did she just call my child an ape?

I was outraged!! Why would you think it was okay to go up to a child you don't know and basically tell him, "They tease little boys like you."

Now, I've used the term 'ranga', many times, and I know the woman at HJ's didn't mean it as an insult, but spelling it out to a three-year-old is going a bit far.

As one friend said, it's like going up to a kid with big ears and saying "They call kids like you Dumbo!" - you would never do it! Or at least I hope you wouldn't.

I know he's too young to understand, but he's not far off and, more than anything, Lenny's red hair has taught me people say things to children they would never say to a grown up (see above) and kids are far more impressionable.

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A stranger said something about my chubby legs when I was about eight and I've (clearly) never gotten over it. Our kids are like sponges, and as much as I tell Lenny everyday that he's beautiful inside and out, those little comments from strangers will eventually sink in.

So please, go ahead and comment on Lenny's red hair, we love it, he loves it and if you love it, say so. But next time you go to say something about any child's appearance, try to remember you are speaking to a gentle, innocent, impressionable soul and your words matter, use them for good.

You can read more from Hayley on her blog here.

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