Last week, a wonderful woman I’ve known for many years died.
Her name was Jackie Milijash and she died unexpectedly of what appears to be an accidental painkiller overdose after back surgery, leaving everyone who knew her and loved her in shock.
It was a tragic outcome for a woman who deserved so much better.
Jackie was many things. A character. An icon of the Sydney hospitality scene. A pioneer. A restauranteur. She revolutionised the cafe and beach culture scene.
She was a legend.
Yet despite being all those things, she was repeatedly referred to in media headlines and stories reporting her death as a “Sydney Socialite”.
As in, “Sydney Socialite’s shock death.”
What a sexist and insulting garbage description is that.
Jackie Milijash was a business woman and an entrepreneur. The word ‘socialite’ implies someone who flits across red carpets with a champagne flute in one hand, posing for photographs. It implies someone who doesn’t need to work or chose to work. It implies someone who lives on the social pages of newspapers if those things even exist anymore.
The media also kept mentioning that she once dated James Packer. I saw that in headlines. “James Packer’s former socialite girlfriend found dead.” I’ve known Jackie for decades and I never knew that about her and who cares because someone’s ex boyfriend when they were 20 is never the most significant thing about them. And it certainly doesn’t make them a ‘socialite’. Have you ever heard a man described by who he used to date? Is this 1916?
Watch: Businesswoman and ModelCo CEO Shelley Barrett discusses her professional accomplishments. (Post continues after video.)
In the scheme of things, a word may not seem like it matters. A woman died. That’s what’s important. But I’m calling bullshit on that. Because words do matter. And the word ‘socialite’ is not ever used in a complimentary way. It’s used to diminish and dismiss the accomplishments of women. To make them seem stupid and superficial and vacuous.
Jackie was none of those things.
Neither is Roxy Jacenko, another business woman who is often described as a ‘socialite’ by a sneering media who are clearly uncomfortable with her success born of hard bloody work. Just like a man, right? Having a public profile or dating a famous man does not make a woman a socialite.
It’s possible for women to do either – or both – of those things and still be a business woman, like Roxy and Jackie.
Click through to see the Jacenko-Curtis family on Instagram. Post continues after gallery…
The Jacenko-Curtis family.
What’s the word for a male socialite? Oh, there isn’t one. Because it’s a gendered word used to put women in their place.
The word ‘Mummy’ is frequently used in the same way. Anyone other than your kid who uses that word to describe you, I find, is generally very insecure. And they’re being a twat. Mummy Blogger, Mumpreneur… in most cases a more accurate descriptor is ‘business woman’. Or just ‘entrepreneur’. Use it.
So why this reluctance to call women what we actually are? Is our presence in the world, our success, so threatening to a group of people that they must try to take that power away and big themselves up by using dumb words to describe us?
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