'Exactly how stepping out of my people-pleasing era changed my definition of self-worth.'

Thanks to our brand partner, L'Oréal Paris

There's an art to pleasing everyone you know.

It takes undue patience, calculated measures and an undying willingness to shrink yourself to fit into the spaces that others (ahem, not you) have created. For a long time, I mastered this subtle practice and made it part of my identity. 

The first time I knew my brain was wired differently was when I had a nauseating feeling that bubbled in my gut over a relatively simple situation.

I promised someone I loved that I would do something for them, even when I didn't have the capacity. Inevitably, I failed to follow through. And next came the disappointment and guilt — the kind that completely consumes you.

I was around seven years old, and I can still remember how I felt that day because I have modelled my entire being around never feeling that way again.

This is simply the way of a people-pleaser.

And so, to avoid that feeling, we people-pleasers have pandered. We have compromised. We have given in. We have kept quiet. We have done what we have not always wanted to do.

Worst of all, we have questioned ourselves — our own judgement, our own morals and our own internal dialogue — all in pursuit of being perceived as agreeable, perfect, valuable.

All other sacrifices we have made to feel better about ourselves can be forgiven, but what about the ones we have made against ourselves?

For many years of my life, I have questioned my desire to be validated, seen and heard by others around me and wondered why the voice in my head wasn't enough. 

Unsurprisingly, it all comes down to self-worth. 

L'Oréal Paris' research found that nearly one in three women do not feel they have a sense of self-worth. This little fact alone reinforces the need for greater support, more understanding and open dialogue about our intrinsic value and what we offer to the world.

Because building self-worth means understanding the factors that influence it — such as societal expectations, our inner thoughts, the relationships we build, the achievements we recognise and the self-acceptance we foster despite both internal and external pressures.

And for me, that realisation came about halfway into being 25 years old when I knew something had to change. But it wasn't a haircut, a new lip gloss or a pair of trendy pants that was going to make me feel worthy — it was something inside of me.

I also realised that whatever change I made had to be for myself. Not for the love of others, not for my friends or family — just for me.

It's a sentiment that's easier said than done because it required me to shed the agreeable, people-pleasing skin I had comfortably worn for the entirety of my life. 

While I would usually advise against making rash, radical decisions that will absolutely change the trajectory of your life, I do not tend to always heed my own advice.

In 2024, I made a split-second decision to upend my entire life and move to a new state. It was terrifying and it was thrilling — to do something that felt unnatural to me. 

But I also did make small changes too — and they felt just as life-altering as the big ones. I stopped saying yes to things that made me feel small. I paused before agreeing to something just to keep the peace. I set purposeful, intentional boundaries. And most importantly, I stopped seeking validation from anyone but myself. 

And after a year of doing so, I'll admit that every day is different and progress isn't linear.

It's saying "no" and setting a boundary one day and then subsequently breaking it the next. It's wearing multiple helmets despite telling myself I'd only wear one. It's also the constant, niggling itch in my side that tells me to give in and return to what felt good for me once upon a time (aka people-pleasing).

And when I (sometimes) do, it's about getting back up, metaphorically dusting myself off and starting again.

Because this battle, inner-work or internal self-reflection — or whatever you want to call it — is genuinely worth it. Because our happiness is worth it. Because our life is worth it.

And that's why investing in ourselves and our needs matters — it's a key part of building self-worth. L'Oréal Paris understands this, which is why the Talk Your Worth series exists. It's a space for open conversations, real stories and shared experiences — all designed to inspire and empower women to recognise their own worth.

Check out L'Oréal Paris' Talk Your Worth page for more stories like this from the brand's inspirational line-up of women of worth.

Based on a survey conducted by Bastion Insights with a sample size of 1,505 Australian and New Zealand women aged 18 or older who rated themselves less than six out of 10 on a scale of zero, meaning "I have no self-worth", to 10, meaning "I have very strong self-worth".

Feature Image: Supplied.

Women empowerment is at the core of L'Oréal Paris's mission. The brand supports every woman on their journey to fulfill themselves according to their own rules and aspirations. For L'Oréal Paris, self-worth is a journey, and beauty is its catalyst.