'I thought my brother-in-law borrowing my car was harmless, until I watched the dashcam footage.'

As told to Ann DeGrey.

I was always very fond of my brother-in-law Adam*. He was my ex-husband's younger brother, and we always got on really well, and he was also very supportive during my divorce.

He was very aware of how emotionally abusive his brother had been to me, and he was very protective of me. So in the years following the end of my marriage, I stayed in touch with him.

We weren't best friends or anything, but we'd always gotten along and had mutual friends, and I was also friendly with his now ex-wife, Annette*.

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When their marriage ended last year, Adam said it had been a long time coming. According to him, they just wanted different things and had drifted apart. He also mentioned some money troubles and said he was "sorting himself out."

I didn't ask for too much detail. I just figured it was none of my business and Annette seemed happy.

A few months later, Adam called me out of the blue and said he was in a mess; his car had broken down, and he'd had to sell it to cover gambling debts. He was embarrassed, he said, but could he borrow my car for a couple of days while he figured out his next move?

I felt sorry for him because he sounded down, and I remembered all the times he'd been kind to me in the past. He said he just needed it to get to a few appointments and would fill the tank, so I agreed and didn't really think twice about it.

I caught the train to and from my office, so only really used my car on weekends. So he picked the car up one morning and brought it back three days later. It seemed perfectly fine. He was polite and thanked me with a bottle of wine on the front seat.

The next week, I had to go into the dashcam footage to check a specific clip. My insurance had been chasing me for footage from a minor car park bump that happened a month earlier.

As I was fast-forwarding through the recordings, I noticed something odd. There were long stretches of footage from those three days when Adam had the car, and most of it showed him parked across the road from a house I didn't recognise. Same spot, over and over, hours at a time. The footage was boring, nothing happening, but it looked like he was sitting there,waiting.

I paused, zoomed in, and realised where he was: directly across from Annette's house. I immediately knew something was wrong and realised he needed the car to get to appointments. He was using it to watch his ex-wife.

I messaged him and asked: "Were you parked outside Annette's house?"

He replied instantly. "I wanted to see who she was hanging around with."

I let him know I wasn't happy about this, and I wouldn't let him borrow my car again if that's what he intended to use it for. I didn't tell Annette right away, mostly because I didn't know if it'd make things worse. She and I weren't super close, and it felt like something the police might need to deal with if it escalated. And, two weeks later, it did.

I found out through mutual friends that Annette had taken out an AVO (apprehended violence order) against Adam after multiple incidents of harassment, including threatening texts and showing up at her work. And then it got much worse.

Late one night, Annette's neighbour heard a loud noise and saw someone fleeing from the side of her house. There was a fire in her front garden; thankfully, no one was hurt, and the fire didn't spread, but the police treated it seriously. There was CCTV from a nearby property, and it was enough to confirm Adam had been there.

He was arrested and charged with two offences, though in the end, he got a suspended sentence. I was horrified that the person I once saw as a good-natured larrikin had turned into someone capable of that kind of behaviour.

Annette was so shaken, she left the country to stay with family overseas. She said she needed to feel safe again. And I feel deeply ashamed that I unknowingly enabled some of it.

Of course, I had no way of knowing what he was doing when I handed over the keys. But it haunts me that my car became part of something so awful. I think back to that dashcam footage and wonder how long he'd been planning it. And if I hadn't looked, I might still not know.

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Adam tried to call me after everything came out, but I didn't answer. I haven't spoken to him since. My ex-husband, his brother, is just as horrified and says they're no longer in contact either.

It's hard to accept that someone you once trusted could become a danger to someone else. And while I know I wasn't the villain in this story, it doesn't stop me from feeling like I played a part.

Now I'm cautious, more than ever, about who I help, and how. And I never lend my car to anyone.

Feature image: Canva.