'I went to a party with my boyfriend of 3 years and came home single.'

As told to Ann DeGrey

I'd been with my boyfriend Ryan for three years, and from my point of view, we were very strong. We'd never even had a major argument and just got on so well in every way; great friends and great lovers.

We weren't just talking about our future in vague terms; we had actual plans. We'd spent nights discussing where we'd live, how we saw our wedding day, and even picked out names for the children we hoped to have one day.

I felt safe, loved, and secure in what I thought was a committed and stable relationship. That's why what happened on New Year's Eve blindsided me so completely; it felt like the rug was pulled out from under everything I thought I knew.

The night started like any other New Year's Eve. We were at a friend's party, celebrating the end of the year with people we knew well, laughing, drinking, and counting down the hours until midnight. I remember feeling genuinely happy as I watched Ryan mingling with friends and listening to some of my single girlfriends talk about the bad dates they'd been on during the year.

I noticed he was spending a long time talking to my friend Mel who was very tipsy. Their heads were close together and I guessed that she was talking about her last failed relationship which had ended in heartache for her. Then I got talking to another group of friends and, as midnight approached, I realised I hadn't seen Ryan in a while.

I wasn't very concerned at first; it was a big party, and people were scattered around the house and outside by the swimming pool and down in the garden. But as the countdown drew closer, I wanted to find him so we could share a New Year's kiss together. I started asking around, casually at first, but then with more urgency when no one seemed to know where he was. Finally, someone mentioned they'd seen him head outside a little while ago – with Mel.

Why was he with Mel? I went through the crowd and couldn't see them by the pool so I figured they must be down in the garden. Surely, they wouldn't be alone there, that seemed just a bit odd.

Then I saw him, sitting on a garden bench with Mel. They were sitting very close together and as the countdown to midnight began, they started kissing. I was mortified and frozen to the spot — I couldn't move, I couldn't even call out to them. People were cheering in the new year all around me, but all I could see was my boyfriend kissing my friend.

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Then, feeling like I was on autopilot, I walked up to them. I said, "What the f**k is going on here?" They pulled apart and Ryan said, "Shit, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Mel looked drunk and barely responded. I stormed off and Mel followed me, saying it wasn't her fault, and that Ryan had been telling her he was in love with her and that she was drunk and got caught up in the moment. Then she started crying and I just couldn't deal with this anymore, I grabbed my handbag and ran to my car, going home as quickly as I could.

I don't remember much of the rest of that night. I was numb. I couldn't sleep. I turned off my phone, expecting there to be a flurry of missed calls from Ryan. But when I turned my phone on, there were only missed calls from Mel and dozens of texts saying she was sorry.

The next day I still hadn't heard from Ryan, so I texted him to say that we are over and I never want to see him again. Hours later he replied with, "Sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

How could he do this? To me? To us? We were supposed to be a team, partners for life.

A few days later, Mel came over and she apologised again, explaining that it had been very one-sided, that Ryan had been the one pursuing her, and that she wasn't even interested in him. She blamed the alcohol and poor judgment for letting him get close in the first place. At first, I didn't want to hear it. But over time, I realised she was genuinely sorry and had no intention of betraying me. I forgave her.

Ryan, though? Never. He eventually spent weeks trying to win me back. He sent flowers, wrote letters, and even showed up at my doorstep more times than I could count. He begged for forgiveness, said he'd made a mistake, and promised it would never happen again. But every time I looked at him, all I could see was the image of him kissing my friend at midnight. My dignity was more important to me than any apology he could offer. I knew that if I went back, I'd always wonder if I could trust him again.

Now, I'm in a much better place. I'm with someone who respects me and makes me feel like a priority every single day.

I sometimes wonder if Ryan ever really understood what he lost that night. Part of me hopes he did, but the rest of me doesn't care anymore.

Feature Image: Getty.