'She'll lose the weight soon.' My daughter was 8 months old when people started commenting on her body.

It was a sunny morning. I had just returned from a walk with my eight-month-old daughter, and despite being in the throes of our latest sleep regression, everything was great. 

As I manoeuvred the pram into our building’s lift, I ran into a neighbour.

"Look at those chubby legs!" the neighbour exclaimed.

Watch: The horoscopes as new mums. Post continues after video.

"Yes," I laughed.

"Don’t worry," the neighbour continued. "She'll lose the weight when she starts walking."

Huh? I had to stop for a moment to check if I was hallucinating in my sleep-deprived state.

Lose the weight? Don’t... worry?

Worry?

I was stunned.

As a new mum, I had about a million worries, but my infant baby girl’s weight was certainly not one of them.

She was a happy baby who was growing within the healthy range for her height. But that isn’t the point.

Over the next couple of months, I received a few similar comments from various people and was dumbfounded every time.

As with every other baffling baby experience (like trying to decipher that bloody sleep temperature dressing chart), I reached out to my fellow mum friends to ask if they had heard anything similar.

What came back was a fairly worrisome roster of remarks, including:

• "You should stop breastfeeding, she’s getting chubby."
• "Look at her, she’s clearly eating well!"
• "We need to dress her to suit her shape. Things that are tight in the middle don’t flatter her."
• "It’s good she has some 'conditioning' on her for when she’s teething and won’t eat!"
• "Gee, she eats a lot!"
• "I mean she’s not fat, she must just be big boned because she’s really heavy."
• "She’ll lose the puppy fat when she starts moving around."
• "She’s a real baby, plenty to hold on to."
• "The chubby look has gone off her now she’s on the move."

And this list doesn’t include the many other comments about babies being "so tiny!" and "so skinny!"

These comments were shared with me from just one group of friends. Amongst the group, weight-related comments were targeted significantly more at the baby girls than the boys. Suffice to say, I was now pretty worried.

Long before my neighbourly encounter in the lift, back when I was pregnant, I thought a lot about what I wanted to impart onto my future child. In addition to an appreciation of 90s R&B music, high on the list was fostering a healthy body image.

Having witnessed several friends experience unimaginable struggles with eating disorders, I desperately wanted to protect my child as much as possible from comments about body shape and size. I assumed I’d have at least eight to 10 years before I had to think about that. Turns out, it’s more like eight to 10 months.

Hang on a minute, what’s that sound? Oh yes, it’s the inevitable comments on this article!

"Calm down, you’re being too sensitive!"

"Babies don’t understand what adults say."

"There’s nothing wrong with saying a baby is chubby, get a grip!"

Okay, imaginary commenters, I hear you.

Observations about a baby’s size usually come from an innocent, non-malicious place. They’re not intended to be hurtful.

And of course, young babies don’t understand. Plus, it’s not like we can find out what an infant’s favourite Taylor Swift album is or their feelings on cryptocurrency, so it’s somewhat understandable to default to comments related to their appearance.

But that doesn’t mean these sorts of statements aren’t cause for concern.

To explore exactly why, I reached out to certified paediatric nutritionist Aimee O’Shea from Little Bean Nutrition.

"As parents, particularly first-time parents, we are navigating a period of unknowns which brings with it so much uncertainty," Aimee explained.

"Parents are constantly questioning whether they are doing the right things, or handling a situation or phase correctly. We are our own biggest critics, so to hear another person suggest that our little one isn’t growing as they should (too big, too small) can be heartbreaking."

According to Aimee, in addition to causing unnecessary stress to a vulnerable, sleep-deprived parent, the impact of these comments can extend far beyond the conversation in the lift.

"The ramifications of these words can really impact the way in which a family chooses to feed their child. I have seen families concerned about lack of weight gain, leading to forced feeding and their child developing issues with food refusal and picky eating, and I have seen families obsess over portion size, refusing to feed their child more food, despite their little one asking for more, or polishing off a plate of food in record time.

"These feeding patterns, combined with the poor choice of words around food and bodies, can lead to our older children becoming significantly impacted."

Listen to This Glorious Mess. On this episode, Taryn Brumfitt shares how to encourage your kids to embrace all the amazing things their bodies can do. Post continues below.

For parents like me who thought we would at least be able to make it through The Wiggles years without having to worry about any of this, I’m afraid to say this hot potato is coming for us sooner than we realise.

Australian statistics have shown children younger than five years of age are being diagnosed with eating disorders (NEDC, 2017), and 55 per cent of Australian girls and 57 per cent of boys aged eight to nine years of age have reported feeling dissatisfied with their body (Daragnova, 2013).

"Whilst our infants and young toddlers have a minimal understanding early on, they are always listening," Aimee told me. There you go, imaginary commenters.

Of course the reality is: it’s not about the baby in the pram. These statements reveal so much about how we as adults have been conditioned to think.

For anyone reading this who may have commented on a baby’s shape or appetite in the past, don’t beat yourself up. According to Aimee, growing up in a society that places value on being a particular size is the villain in this story, not the kindly neighbour in the lift.

"Sadly, diet culture has systematically destroyed many people’s relationships with their body and food. It’s so ingrained, we often don’t realise the impact of what we’re saying or where these thoughts originate from.

"It is so important to really check in with our preconceived ideas around food and health and ensure that we are raising little people who remain unaffected by diet culture. We can do this by avoiding interfering with their innate appetite regulation and being mindful of the language we use around food and when referring to children’s bodies."

In terms of language, Aimee suggests focusing on what food and our bodies allow us to do.

"It’s our job to explain to kids that food gives us the ability to fuel our bodies to do all sorts of wonderful things. It is also our job to ensure that our little ones know that their body size and appearance is the least important thing about them, instead focusing on how kind they are, how brave they are, what a wonderful sense of humour they have, or how much you enjoy spending time with them."

With my newfound understanding of the impact of weight-related comments, I began to wonder what I should have said to my neighbour that day. You know, instead of laughing nervously and wondering why our lift was so slow.

"Knowing how to navigate and respond to comments around our little one’s bodies can be incredibly tough, particularly when these comments often come out of the blue, from well-meaning family members, friends, or older adults. Our immediate response is to either shut down and question ourselves, or become incredibly defensive."

Okay, so if you’re at the Christmas lunch table and Aunty Sue comments on your child’s size or how much they’re eating, what should you say?

According to Aimee, the best way to handle these sorts of comments is to gently re-educate with some strategic phrases, such as:

• "Did you know that children are born with the ability to regulate their appetite perfectly? We are trying really hard to respect that our little one knows exactly how much their body needs to have the energy to grow and play."
• "We prefer not to make comments about body size as we want our little one to know that the size or shape of their body is the least important thing about them."
• "Bodies come in all different shapes and sizes – the world would be a boring place if we all looked the same!"
• "I know you mean well, but there are so many other wonderful things about our child to talk about."

Of course, if you want to laugh nervously and plan a swift departure after the pavlova comes out, that’s okay too. 

Hopefully, your exit route doesn’t include a slow-moving lift.

Chloe O’Toole is the Head of Marketing for Talent, and founder of Matching Meals.

Feature Image: Getty.