BLOG: Why does every man have this same fantasy?

by JO ABI

OMG I am in stitches.

I rang my husband to ask for his new email address. You’ll never believe what it is. Actually, I probably shouldn’t write it here because he’ll probably receive a few unsolicited emails but basically it reads…

FirstNameLastName007@gmail.com

Did you see the numbers he chose? 007. Seriously?

Why does every man want to be Bond, James Bond. It’s adorable, don’t get me wrong but I can’t help but think of my eight-year-old son and his friends who all want to be Spiderman.

Look, I understand to a degree. I wanted to be Wonder Woman when I was little but gee whiz, I seem to be all grown up now and subsequently have moved on from that particular fantasy. My fantasies these days involve me being some sort of superhero mum. I dream of an immaculately clean house, well-dressed children, a comprehensive schedule of activities that we never miss and are never late for, a brilliant yummy mummy wardrobe and endless amounts of energy. Oh, and a youthful appearance, long flowing hair and no bits of food stuck to my clothes. (Why does that always happen?)

But back to my husband. He’s shown signs of wanting to be a bit of a superhero before. Looking back I can see that the first sign occurred shortly after we moved in together and started watching Survivor Australian Outback together.

“I’d do really well at that,” he’d comment.

“I know,” I’d say, thinking but not saying that without his Fanta and beloved Juicy Fruit he’d probably be the first to go on weird, random rants and be voted off.

These days the signs are more subtle. The overuse of a high powered torch when there is plenty of daylight, how he closes jars and taps unnecessarily tight leaving me to swear and sweat while trying and failing to reopen them, how he kills spiders by flicking them with a tea towel instead of with spray or just shoving them out the door, how he bought a circular saw for $900 and used it once but refuses to sell it or part with it…

007 is to men what Spiderman is to children. Look, I wouldn’t mind being married to 007.

Thinking about Daniel Craig…hmmm…

But I’m not. And every time I send him an email I’m going to be reminded of that fact.

Jo Abi feels like she’s more of an observer of life than a participant which makes her a little irritating to live with. When asked about her writing her husband said, “Nothing is off the table, which is fine, sort of.” Jo has worked in TV and radio sporadically between the arrival of each of her three amazingly gorgeous children. She has written a book called How to Date a Dad and plans to finish one of the many other books she’s started once her children get sick of playing Minecraft on her laptop. You can follow Jo on Twitter @JoAbi.