'I badmouthed my best friend's partner. When they got married, she made me pay.'

As told to Ann DeGrey.

Alana* and I met at a mothers' group nearly ten years ago, when our babies were only a few weeks old and everything about motherhood felt exciting, as well as terrifying.

I was completely overwhelmed and sleep-deprived, and I remember instantly gravitating toward her beautiful, calm energy.

She worked as a nurse, so I feel like she had this natural confidence with babies that made everything feel a little less scary.

We got on right away, and it wasn't long before we became each other's go-to for everything, ranting sessions, last-minute babysitting, and long walks while our babies slept in their prams.

Our kids have grown up together, almost like cousins, and we've shared a lot of life's ups and downs along the way.

So when Alana met Liam* about four years ago, I thought I had a right to be protective.

She had recently gone through a breakup with the father of her child and hadn't dated seriously in years, and I guess I didn't love the idea of someone new coming in and disrupting what we had, especially when I still hadn't found someone myself.

I hate to admit it now, but I was very critical of him and said some nasty things I shouldn't have, mostly behind his back, and a few of them made their way back to her.

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I told another friend that Liam gave me a weird vibe, that he came off a bit arrogant, and I even made a comment once about how he dressed like someone trying too hard to seem laid-back.

I also spoke out about how he treated her, which I always felt was quite condescending.

When I look back, I can see I was being petty, probably even a little jealous. But I told myself I was just looking out for her.

When she confronted me, I apologised and tried to explain where I was coming from.

She was upset, and I don't blame her as I would have been upset too. But she eventually seemed to let it go.

Things cooled between us for a while, but we still caught up from time to time and stayed in the same close-knit group of friends from the mothers' group.

So when Alana and Liam got engaged last year, I was thrilled for her. She invited me to the engagement party, and while it was a big celebration with lots of her and Liam's friends from work, I still felt like part of her circle.

It was a great night and I had what I thought was a very heart-felt, loving chat with Alana. I didn't think there was anything between us anymore.

Which is why I was completely blindsided when, months later, the wedding invites went out and mine never arrived.

At first, I assumed it was an oversight. Or maybe they were keeping things small.

But then other women from our friendship group started messaging in the group chat about what they were wearing and what time they were meeting for drinks before the ceremony.

One of them even asked if I was coming, and I had to awkwardly reply that I hadn't been invited. It was very humiliating.

I sat with it for a few weeks after the wedding before messaging Alana directly. She replied with a long message saying that after some thought, she'd decided not to include me in the guest list because she felt I hadn't been supportive of her relationship.

She brought up some of the things I'd said early on about Liam and said that even though we'd moved on, those comments had stuck with her.

She ended by saying, "I didn't feel like you deserved to be there." I was absolutely floored.

I agree that she had every right to be upset by what I said, but I truly thought we'd repaired things. And if she still felt hurt, it would have been good if she'd spoken to me directly rather than quietly cutting me out of such a big moment in her life.

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When the wedding photos went up on social media, I felt incredibly hurt. Alana looked beautiful and very happy. So I was happy for her.

And then I saw something that really stung: a woman I recognised from a few recent catch-ups was smiling in one of the bridal party photos; it was someone who'd only joined our group a few months earlier.

I know that she hardly knew Alana, and yet she was not only invited, but clearly part of the inner circle now. Meanwhile, I'd been pushed to the outside.

Alana and I still talk occasionally. We send the odd birthday message or chat in the group chat, but it's not the same. We don't meet up one-on-one anymore, and I doubt we ever will.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about it and especially reflecting on my behaviour. I wish I'd kept my mouth shut about Liam and supported Alana, even if I had doubts.

Because the truth is, he seems to make her really happy, and that should have been enough for me.

Feature Image: Getty. (Stock image used for illustrative purposes only).