
I separated from my ex-husband 25 years ago, in the year 2000. Our children were three and six at the time.
We probably both had a couple of trial partners after that, but within 18 months he'd settled down with Rachel.
I'd always figured, since the kids were so young at the time, that it was in my best interest to make friends with the person who was going to be spending a lot of time with them.
So, as soon as Rachel started appearing in the car for drop-offs and pick-ups, I invited her in.
Watch: This parenting skit nails exactly what it feels like to be the default parent—even after separation.
Soon enough, instead of my ex-husband, it was Rachel doing most of the drop-offs and pick-ups.
Shortly after that, it was her and I that would do all the time and planning arrangements, since it seemed that my ex-husband and I (for a short period) couldn't really have a conversation without it ending in an argument.
On those occasions, when it did end in an argument, Rachel would call me the next day and apologise on his behalf. She'd tell me that she'd had a chat with him and got him to see both sides. She'd reassure me that she'd sort things out so that everyone was happy.