'When my drinking escalated to a level worse than it had ever been, one night nearly destroyed me.'

As a teenager, Jane couldn't wait until she was old enough to drink. She didn't consider herself unusual though. Most teens were intrigued by alcohol.

By the time she reached her early twenties, drinking was a normal part of life, something she did for fun or to feel more confident.

"Typical middle child and always felt like the odd one out, so alcohol seemed to help increase my confidence, and I thought it made me more fun," says Jane. 

Watch: Your body without one year of alcohol. Post continues after the video. 

"I never questioned it because everyone around me was drinking too. Looking back, I can see that I was already using alcohol as more than just a social tool, but I didn't realise it at the time."

As she approached her mid-twenties, things took a turn, and her drinking became more intense. She'd often black out, sometimes putting herself in dangerous situations. 

"I thought that was just a normal part of being young."

At 25, she met her future husband, Pete*, who was also her first boyfriend. For Jane and Pete, drinking nightly was a normal part of their life. It was just what adults did, Jane thought at the time. She didn't consider her drinking to be an issue until she raised it with some work colleagues. 

"I was working with high-performing people, and when I mentioned drinking a bottle of wine a night, their reactions made me pause," she says. 

"They would wake up early, go to the gym, eat healthy, and work long hours, but most of them weren't going home and drinking like I was. That was the first time I really questioned whether my drinking was normal."

For years, Jane and Pete enabled each other's drinking. If one didn't feel like alcohol, the other would convince them to drink. 

"My husband didn't want to lose his drinking buddy," says Jane. 

"He didn't see my drinking as a problem because I could go a month without alcohol for things like Dry July, the lead-up to our wedding, or during pregnancy. 

"I could stop when I had something important to work towards, like our wedding or my baby's health. But when there wasn't a clear reason to stay sober, my drinking would get out of hand.

During her pregnancies, Jane found abstaining from alcohol easy. 

"It wasn't even a question for me," she says. 

"But once I wasn't pregnant anymore, I went straight back to drinking like I always had."

The problem was, each time Jane reintroduced alcohol after a period of sobriety, her drinking became even more intense. 

"I would black out every time."

After the birth of her second child, and a few months of breastfeeding, Jane's drinking escalated to a level far worse than it had ever been before her pregnancies. 

"There was no 'next pregnancy' to keep me in check, and I started to feel stuck in my marriage. I knew this wasn't the future I wanted, and instead of facing that, I gave in to my cravings and drank even more."

Jane became stuck in a cycle of exhaustion, overwhelm, and drinking to cope. 

"I drank every night and when I did, I would black out every time. I was drinking to escape. But the more I drank, the worse everything felt, and the more I wanted to numb myself."

Each morning, Jane would wake up and promise herself she wouldn't drink that night. But by 2pm, she'd face a daily battle with herself about whether to take herself to the bottle shop. 

"As my drinking got worse, weekends were spent at home more and more because I was drinking earlier in the day. My kids were good sleepers at the time, but looking back, it was a dangerous situation no matter how I try to explain it. I wasn't the present and engaged mother I wanted to be."

Jane. Image: Supplied.

At 34, Jane started seeing a psychologist to help with postpartum struggles and marital issues. Eventually, she opened up about how much she was drinking each night. 

"I attended my first AA meeting in 2023, and I felt at home straight away," Jane says. But while she related to everyone's stories, she still couldn't stop drinking. 

"I kept going to AA for the next six months, but I was still drinking most nights. 

"My drinking kept getting worse, and eventually, my husband told my mum and sisters because he didn't know what else to do."

Her family began researching rehabilitation clinics, but Jane wanted to avoid being away from her children. So she visited her GP, giving him a completely honest depiction of how much she was drinking, and how badly she needed help. 

"Pete returned home with a carton of beer."

"The GP recommended Naltrexone… it's supposed to reduce cravings for alcohol, but you have to stop drinking for three days before taking the first tablet."

So that became the plan – three alcohol-free days, before commencing the medication to help future cravings. But the alcohol-free days were more difficult than Jane could have anticipated. 

"It was extremely hard," she says. "Even though alcohol had taken all the joy from my life, I still couldn't imagine living without it. 

"The thought that this was really the end made it even harder. I kept thinking, 'This is it, this is the end', but I still couldn't stop drinking long enough to get through those three days."

When her family realised she still hadn't been able to refrain from drinking long enough to take the Naltrexone, they rallied around her. 

"My younger sister came over the first night to make sure I didn't drink because my husband was working that night. 

"On the second night, I managed to get myself to an AA meeting, which helped me hold on. 

"The third day was absolutely horrendous. It felt like staring straight into the reality that this was the end of my drinking, and facing a life without alcohol was terrifying."

The cravings were overwhelming, says Jane. "I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. I wanted to die."

Throughout the day, she constantly messaged her husband – who was at work – for support. She told him how much she was struggling. 

That night, Pete returned home with a carton of beer. 

"I snapped," says Jane. 

"I ran out of the house, jumped in the car, and I just wanted to end it all at that moment. The only thing that stopped me was thinking about my kids."

Jane was gutted. 

"There's really no other way to put it. It felt like a punch to the chest. He knew the gravity of what I was going through, but I don't think he fully understood the depth of it. For me, it was life and death in the end, and that moment was absolutely heartbreaking."

Despite feeling shattered by Pete's carelessness, his decision forced Jane to find the strength within herself to do what she needed to do. 

"I couldn't rely on him or anyone else to help me stay sober.

"I was fighting for my life, holding on with everything I had left. It was the moment I realised I needed to take control of my own recovery, no matter what anyone else was doing."

Jane drove home, poured Pete's beer down the sink and sat in the bath for the next hour. 

"After that, I got myself to an AA meeting that started at 8pm. When the meeting finished at 9:30 pm, I walked outside and saw my two sisters standing next to my car, waiting to make sure I was okay. In that moment, I knew I had made it. I knew everything was going to be okay."

Jane took the tablet at 7am the following morning, and almost immediately, it removed her cravings. 

"The next few weeks and months were intense. I went to AA meetings regularly, finding structure in the routine. My fridge was always stocked with every flavoured mineral water I could find. 

"Swimming in the local rock pool during winter became my release. The cold water hit hard, but it helped me reset when the pressure felt overwhelming."

"The opposite of chaos."

Within weeks, Jane decided to separate from her husband and move closer to her family. 

"I was clear-headed without alcohol clouding my judgment. It wasn't easy. I couldn't imagine never drinking again or not having a way to numb myself. But each day I stayed sober, I faced those feelings head-on and proved I didn't need alcohol to get through it."

While Jane has had a few close calls, with the support of her family, she hasn't returned to drinking. 

At 18 months sober, Jane's life is a world away from where it was less than two years ago. 

"Just before my one-year sobriety mark, I started my own business, Let's Get a Pedi, which began with self-care gift boxes to support women going through challenging life experiences. 

"Alcohol held me back my whole life, both professionally and personally. Now, I can confidently say 'no' to anything that doesn't serve me, and I've started setting boundaries with certain people in my life. I have also made changes to my diet and am now focusing on living a healthy lifestyle."

Jane continues to go to AA meetings to ensure she never forgets what she went through. 

"It's easy to forget and start thinking, 'Why can't I have a rosé with my girlfriends in the summer?' That's exactly why I keep going to meetings.

"Some days are really tough. If I am struggling with just life in general, I will usually call my sponsor. When I have a bad day with my kids, I remind myself that the next day is usually better."

As a whole, Jane's life is now peaceful — she describes it as "the opposite of chaos".

"Life is simple, meaningful, and filled with the kind of moments I never truly appreciated before sobriety."

Feature image: Supplied.