It sounds silly, but the 'Bird Test' can determine if your relationship will last.

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It always starts with a bird.

Or, at least, that's how TikTok has decided to package up one of the most quietly profound truths about relationships: how we respond to each other's tiny, throwaway moments.

The so-called Bird Test is blowing up online, and while it sounds like something a kookaburra may have cooked up after a couple of wines, it's actually rooted in decades of research into how love works.

Here's the premise: you're on a walk with your partner. You see a bird. You point it out. "Look, a cockatoo!" Except in that micro-moment, you're not really talking about the bird. It could just as easily be a meme you want them to see, a story from your day, or a random cloud shaped like a potato.

What you're really doing is making what psychologists call a "bid for connection" — a little emotional tap on the shoulder that says, hey, come into my world for a second.

And what your partner does next? That's the whole test.

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If they look, smile, or share in your moment, they've turned toward you. They've accepted the invitation to connect. If they don't — if they scroll on, change the subject, or act like you've just narrated the weather report — they've turned away.

It sounds minor, almost petty. But according to Dr John Gottman — the psychologist whose work inspired this theory — these micro-responses are the stuff long-term relationships are built on. He and his research team spent years observing couples and found that the ones who stayed together — who actually liked each other ten, twenty years down the track — weren't necessarily the ones planning big gestures or candlelit proposals. They were the ones who, 86 per cent of the time, turned toward each other's bids for connection.

The couples who didn't? Only 33 per cent made it.

So apparently it's not the epic anniversary trips to the Maldives or surprise diamond earrings that predict longevity. It's whether someone simply bothers to look up when you say, "Look at that bird."

Ok, so it's not literally about birds. But it could be… Image: Getty.

The internet, of course, has taken this and run with it. There are people earnestly filming themselves pointing at birds mid-coffee date, analysing responses like a sports commentator. But beneath the TikTok gimmick is something real and slightly devastating: how often do we make these little bids in our relationships, without even realising it? And how often do they get ignored?

Think about the last time you told your partner a random story about your day. Or the moment you nudged them to show them a silly TikTok. Or the times you've sighed dramatically while cooking pasta, secretly hoping someone will ask, "What's wrong?"

Those are all bids.

Sometimes subtle, sometimes not. And the responses to them can either stack up into a mountain of intimacy… or slowly chip away at it.

It's a strangely comforting theory, in that it makes relationships feel less about "mysterious chemistry" and more about everyday choices. But it's also terrifying, because it means every shrug, every distracted "mm-hmm" while scrolling Instagram, every time they keep watching Netflix instead of answering you, could be death by a thousand cuts.

Of course, experts caution against turning this into an actual "test." Relationships are more than a single bird moment. Sometimes your partner is tired, distracted, or simply doesn't care about lorikeets (despite the fact they are very cute and very colourful). But that doesn't mean they're incapable of intimacy or doomed to fail as a human being. What matters is the overall pattern — whether, more often than not, they choose to accept those tiny invitations to connect.

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And it's not just romantic relationships, either. The Bird Test applies to friendships, families, even colleagues. When your best friend texts you a blurry picture of their dog in a Halloween costume, that's a bid. When your mum tells you about the neighbour's fence dramas for the fifth time, that's a bid. You can roll your eyes and move on, or you can meet them where they are.

Maybe that's why the Bird Test has struck such a nerve online. It's simple. It's sweet. And it reminds us that connection isn't forged in grand declarations but in fleeting moments that are easily overlooked. The kind of moments we're usually too busy, too tired, or too self-absorbed to bother with.

So yes, laugh at the TikToks, and please resist the urge to dump someone because they didn't notice the ibis you pointed out on your lunch break (because, ew). But also, maybe notice how often you both turn toward each other. How often you pause your doom scroll, look up, and say, "Oh wow, where?"

Because apparently the secret to love isn't so secret after all. It's hiding in plain sight, perched on a powerline, just waiting for someone to point it out.

Feature image: Getty.