'I made fun of Alicia Silverstone for bird-feeding her son. Then I tried it.'

I have a confession to make. Before I became a mother for the first time I was… judgemental. 

I wasn’t jumping in the comments section blasting a mother for doing the wrong thing and I wasn’t obnoxiously voicing my opinions to a breastfeeding mum on why I thought her child was too old to be still breastfeeding (jump scare: I’m still feeding my 15-month-old child!). 

But I was silently, in my own head, judging other mothers for doing things that didn’t fit into the box of what I thought was the ‘right way’ to be a carer.

Watch: The realities of feeding a toddler. Story continues below.

I look back now and think, “what the f**k did I know about the ‘right way’ to be a mum?”

Since becoming a mother my perspective on almost everything has changed. 

While I know that statement might seem overly broad, there really is no way to understand how your entry to motherhood is going to change you and the way you view the world until you’re in the thick of it. 

Until you’re up against a wall and you have to make a decision that may have gone against your previous code of conduct in order to do what is best for your child.

Recently I have been experiencing a lingering episode of food refusal from my toddler. 

After a few weeks of compounding illnesses (thank you daycare!) and teething (the hellish molars), my daughter has lost her appetite which has been an incredibly scary thing to deal with. 

She has had a wonderful zest for life and food ever since we started her on solids at around five-months-old and then almost overnight my once happy eater disappeared. 

Like with many parts of motherhood, every corner you turn there’s a new symptom, a new leap, a new development that changes your baby’s behaviour and can make you feel totally inadequate as a carer. 

Every time my daughter would scrunch her nose up at a meal or toss a full bowl of food on the floor, it hit me hard. ‘What am I doing wrong?’, ‘why can’t I provide for my baby?’ and the weekly imposter syndrome, ‘I’m a terrible mother.’

I was starting to lose my patience, my confidence as a mum. I fell into the negative feedback loop that creeps in when I don’t know how to fix a problem. 

My husband and I were hitting our heads against the wall trying to figure out how to keep our child nourished.

And then I remembered an entertainment news story from a few years ago. In 2012, Clueless actor, Alicia Silverstone, posted a video to her website The Kind Life, that showed her feeding her toddler son Bear, from her mouth to his. 

“I just had a delicious breakfast of miso soup, collards and radish steamed and drizzled with flax oil, cast iron mochi with nori wrapped outside, and some grated daikon,” she wrote alongside the video. “Yum! I fed Bear the mochi and a tiny bit of veggies from the soup from my mouth to his. It’s his favorite…and mine. He literally crawls across the room to attack my mouth if I’m eating.”

The video was picked up by news outlets far and wide, immediately going viral. 

She was ridiculed and called 'disgusting' and 'weird' and was made to feel ashamed.

And I judged her. I silently judged her so much. I made fun of the video and moved on with my life without giving it a second thought about how nuanced these situations are.

Some 10 years later and I was faced with a challenge of my own. So, hell, why not give bird-feeding a go? What’s the worst that could happen?

I took a piece of penne pasta in my mouth and got close to my child. 

She immediately had a huge smile on her face and ate the pasta. And again and again. She was finally eating!

I couldn’t believe that after all the judgement I had cast Alicia Silverstone’s way, this centuries old method of feeding children, was actually working. Go figure!

Since we introduced bird-feeding, my daughter has slowly started to feed herself. Is it the most conventional or efficient way to feed my child? Absolutely not. 

Is it the only way we are able to get her the essential nutrients she needs? Yes! While I understand that this admission of bird-feeding might garner some types of ridicule similar to what Alicia experienced, I feel confident that I am making the right decision for now. 

Listen to This Glorious Mess, On this episode, Tegan speaks to one of our favourite This Glorious Mess guests; toddler nutritionist Dr Kyla from Toddler Mealtimes! Post continues after audio.

Previously speaking to Mamamia, gastroenterologist Dr Vincent Ho, said that, “this practice has been around for a very long time, and is what our ancestors used to do to feed us as babies before the invention of pureed baby foods.” And while he says there are some pros and cons that come with this method, it is ultimately the choice of the parent. 

And I am deciding that this is best for now.

In response to the backlash Alicia initially received for bird-feeding she had the perfect summary for those who judged her. "I can understand that it would make some people feel uncomfortable, possibly, because it's new to them," she told Entertainment Tonight.

"But I do want to let you know that this has been going on for thousands of years — still going on all over the place — and it's natural."

I’m sorry to Alicia and to all the other mums I’ve silently judged over the years. You were just trying to get through the day, trying to do the best for your child and I couldn’t really grasp that until now. 

Perspective, it really is one hell of a thing.

Feature Image: Instagram