'When I told my friend my husband was having an affair, she did something unforgivable.'

When I found out my husband was having an affair with his much-younger co-worker, I naturally went to talk to my best friend Amber*.

She was the one person I knew I could rely on. She was brilliant — no surprises there — and she was suitably angry at his stupidity. She validated the myriad feelings I articulated, and we both agreed that, although the road ahead would be hard, I was better off without him.

As she worked with my husband, she knew all too well that he tended to be domineering and controlling, and that his temper had escalated into abusive behaviour on a number of occasions.

Amber and I were both very aware that this situation had made me very vulnerable. We agreed that I needed time to think — and besides, I was too emotional to make any big decisions. Eventually, I headed home, still broken, a much less vibrant version of myself who was now wracked with insecurities and doubt. 

Watch: The signs of cheating. Post continues below.

I did, however, feel better after talking to Amber, and was more determined than ever to be out of my toxic relationship with my husband.

So you can imagine my surprise when, that night, my husband came home from work and told me that my friend had exposed her knowledge of the affair to him… and his lover.

Amber was not just my best friend; she was also a female police officer — a tough role in a male-dominated industry. Amber was amazing at her job, and having achieved a higher-ranking position, she was determined to stay there.

My husband and his lover were not just her co-workers but also, at the time their indiscretion surfaced, under her command. She was their boss. And she had taken them into an office, sat them down and discussed the affair in detail — details I had provided her.

She had categorically demanded that the affair cease and laid out repercussions if it did not.

To say my husband was furious at me for talking about his dirty little secret to another person is an understatement. The fact she was also a co-worker and his direct manager qt the time resulted in him being angrier than I had ever seen him.

In typical fashion, he turned the tables, saying I was the one in the wrong; that I had risked his job, his reputation, and his livelihood by talking to my friend. He took no personal accountability for his actions, and he was clear: if the marriage failed, it was not due to his affair but my discussing it with his co-worker. Classic gaslighting.

After my husband's tirade, I was distraught. Amber had not only exposed the affair and betrayed my trust, but also exposed me to potential abuse by not giving me any warning to prepare myself for the escalation.

It would be difficult to believe she was not aware of the consequences of her actions. Her decision to speak to them about their affair felt very intentional. I suddenly felt alone, betrayed, and this intensified my feelings of vulnerability. It seemed she had chosen her work, her position, and her reputation over our friendship.

As time went on, our relationship became cordial at best, as I struggled to unwrap one relationship and move on with my life. We never spoke about the betrayal, but it was clear our friendship had not survived.

During the marriage breakdown, I felt I lost myself for a while, and going through it without my best friend was isolating and tough. I am so proud I did it and I am now living a life I could only have dreamed of. I came to realise that relying on yourself is the only certainty you have in difficult times.

My one-time friend has gone on to receive several promotions, and she is known to be fearless and unwavering. She has won many service awards and is a strong leader, prepared to tackle the most difficult situations. She's an advocate for women and young girls in her community and a mentor for women in the Police Force. I am proud of her, for her.

In the fullness of time, I have come to understand that, back then, Amber was not only looking out for herself but also her co-worker — a young woman starting out in the police force, who may also have been a victim of the controlling, domineering older man.

For that I am grateful.

Feature: Getty.