"I'm worried about being judged in public when I need to discipline my kids."

Just like every mum, it turns out.

The other morning I flicked on my radio as I prepared my kids lunches and caught the end of a conversation about discipline. Kyle and Jackie O were discussing parenting and Jackie was saying how she wished she could be firmer with her daughter, Kitty, while out in public but felt she couldn’t because she would be judged by other parents.

I wanted to hug her. As a fellow mother, I totally understood what she meant.

I have always been a firm believer that children need to have boundaries. I don’t think that, as a parent, it’s my job to be their best friend. Rather, I see my role as one of guidance, structure and learning.

We've all seen the mum who looks like the kids have her wrapped around their tiny finger. The kid has a meltdown, mum rewards the behaviour with a cupcake simply to resolve the situation as quickly as possible because she feels awkward that her child is screeching on the floor wanting a treat. Perhaps the situation would have been managed differently in the judgement free zone at home?

Win for the kid I'd say. Children should learn that as their parent, you make the rules. You say it's time to go, it's time to go. You say no, that's the end of discussion.

Now I understand it's not always as smooth as this. I have two sons (and a daughter on the way) and both of my boys are extremely strong willed. They argue, they fight me and they have temper tantrums like no-one's business, but that's when I need to stand strong.

If I don't make it clear to my kids that I am in charge now, I have deep concerns about their ability to respect authority in the classroom and outside as they mature.  At times it can be embarrassing and awkward but I know that I'm doing my best to teach them how to behave in holding my stance.

Like Jackie O, I have often felt that if I parented my kids how I think I should out in public, I would be judged by other mothers. I need to be firm and sometimes I need to yell but if I was to reprimand my kids in the middle of the supermarket, all eyes would be on me.

Perhaps it's because we are worried that someone may call the authorities on us? To this I would argue things have potentially gone a little too far. When a mother is afraid to teach her children boundaries in public because she fears being reported, I believe we are focused on the wrong thing.

Mothers who discipline their children are not abusing their kids, they are assisting them in becoming functioning individuals with a respect for others and an understanding of acceptable behaviour.  My children live in a loving and stable home where they know they are safe and adored. In no way, shape or form are they abused, neglected or mistreated. They don't however, run the show.

I think a lot of mothers use the 'wait until we get home' stance to discipline their kids. To me, this is ineffective because often the behaviour has ceased and the moment has passed.

Before you know it, you're letting the whole thing slide and slowly your child learns that they can act however they want when in public because it's unlikely that mum will get anywhere near as mad as she would if the same behaviour occurred behind doors. 

What do you think? Do you alter the way you discipline your kids when out in public?

Want more? Try:

Perth mother arrested after disciplining her son in public.

Is it okay to discipline other people’s kids?