'Is there a "right time" to have kids? I asked 15 mums if they had regrets.'

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The question of when to have children assumes a level of choice that not everyone has.

For many, the timing isn't dictated by career goals or financial readiness, but by fertility challenges, finding the right partner, or other circumstances beyond their control.

For those who do have options around timing, the decision can feel overwhelming. Do you prioritise career and financial stability? Or embrace the energy and recovery of your youth?

I was 28 when my first child was born, which is fairly young for today's standards. And by the time I was 30, I'd had my two kids.

Did my career take a hit? Absolutely. But it was a choice, a privilege. And I wouldn't change the time I had at home with my babies.

I share 50–50 custody now, so cherish all that extra time I had with them back then, that I miss out on now.

Watch: Amelia Lester's very Aussie problem with Halloween. Post continues below.

I am 42 and love the teen and tween era of parenting. Sometimes I look at friends my age in the trenches of parenting young babies and toddlers and I just don't know if I'd have the energy or patience for it now.

And because I share custody, when I don't have my kids, I have the freedom to travel and re-claim those wild years I lost to the trenches.

I can also fully focus on my career and make up the time I lost now. I will be 49 at my youngest son's 18th birthday party, which still feels very young.

My mum was 27 when she had me and is the most active and hands-on grandma.

And that's what got me thinking about writer Jim Dalrymple's Substack called, "Once again, I wish I'd had kids sooner."

He had his first child at 36 and pointed out that generations spaced out by 30 years or more make it much harder to have a village-like level of support.

If your kids then wait to have their kids until they're older, you'll be an older grandparent and less likely to be able to help. Or worse, not around at all.

My mum was only 56 when my eldest son was born. But she lives on the other side of the country from us. So having kids younger doesn't necessarily ensure grandparent support, but I get his point.

In his piece, he shared a counter-perspective from tech giant Craig Weiss, who posted on X the bold statement that "having kids before 30 is how you stay generationally poor" as it eats up your time and cash flow.

Harsh, but it has some merit. Women in Australia reduce their paid work hours by about 35 per cent across the first five years after having kids, a core factor of the so-called "motherhood tax".

During this period, women's earnings also fall by an average of 55 per cent, reflecting both reduced participation and fewer hours worked.

Today, the average age for becoming a first-time Aussie mum is around 30, compared to 23 in the 1970s.

It got me thinking about how we all do it differently, and I wanted to hear from other people in the Mamamia community who have gone down different paths. Would they do it differently if they could?

Listen: To the case for having kids younger or waiting unpacked. Post continues below.

The case for waiting.

*Leah started her family at 35. "I never found the person I wanted to have a family with until I was 33," she explained.

"I do look at those who had their children earlier with envy as they're past the harder younger years.

"But what I do cherish is the life I lived when I was younger, single and unattached. The travel, experiences and ability to throw myself at my career are things I'm grateful for daily."

*Maya had her first child at 42, older than she'd ideally planned, but found unexpected advantages. "I'm established in my career and not too fussed about climbing the ladder anymore, I've had time to see a fair bit of the world."

"I have a strong sense of who I am at this age and probably a better sense of humour which helps with parenting." She admits that "navigating ageing parents and raising a young child with perimenopause is tricky. But all up no regrets."

*Lisa waited until 32 for her first child and has no regrets about the timing. "I wouldn't have wanted to have one earlier than that. I just wasn't ready and I'm happy I spent my twenties developing a career, myself, and travelling the world. I'm a much better mother because of it."

However, having her second at nearly 40 was challenging: "That was a blessing but way harder in every way. Birthing and new motherhood at 40 is not what I would recommend — our body is not geared for that. But if it gets you a child you desperately want, then it's worth it."

The young mum experience.

*Emma started young, having her first at 22 and second at 24. Now 58 with six grandchildren, she sees both sides: "I think I could relate to my kids better as teens, as it wasn't that far ago."

"The cons were I really didn't know myself, I was desperately trying to heal and parent at the same time. We didn't have a lot of money and the stress was sometimes overwhelming."

*Natalie was even younger, starting at 19. Now 42, with adult children aged 23 and 20, she appreciates the generational connections: "I'm so lucky my kids grew up knowing their great-grandparents and have those memories."

"I have a lot of freedom now in my early forties to travel and focus on my career." The downside? "The main cons were financially, I was stuck in the rent cycle for years."

*Amanda became a mum at 25 and a grandmother at 47. "I wouldn't change a thing," she says simply. "We aren't as wealthy as we could've been but no regrets."

The in-between years.

*Kate had her first child just after turning 29 and feels she found good timing. "I think it was a good choice for my body, physically, my second pregnancy was much harder (at 31/32)."

Career-wise, she felt prepared: "I'd had enough experience to still be employable part-time but not so much that I felt like I'd slip far down the ladder if I had a break from full-time work,"

"It's definitely interrupted things. But I only really see it as a pause. I imagine my 40s will be more about wealth building and I think that's okay."

*Melissa had her son at 26 and feels they "absolutely nailed it." Now 42, she enjoys the best of both worlds: "I feel like I was young enough to enjoy the younger years with him and now still young enough to enjoy my 40s as an adult while having great grown-up conversation with him."

"My husband and I feel like we are dating again." She credits good timing with career success: "Career wise, I feel like it played out perfectly for me, having our son so much younger. My husband took quite a bit of time out and stepped back to enable me to go harder at my career."

When life doesn't go to plan.

*Jessica's journey shows how timing can be complicated. She had her first at 21, then waited until 32 for her second child. "It was much harder to run around after toddlers even ten years later, my interrupted nights hurt more than they did at 21, and I'm just genuinely not as playful and fun as I was as a 21-year-old mum."

"But financially, we are nicely set up and there's nothing our children go without. The idea that each child gets a different version of their parents rings very true to me."

*Michelle became a solo mum at 39, with parents in their early 70s. Contrary to expectations of older grandparents, she found the opposite:

"My parents (and my grandma in her 90s) got a new lease of life when a new baby came into the family and are hands-on and involved. It's been nothing but positive."

The challenges of later parenthood.

Not everyone who waited feels positive about their timing. *Claire had her children at 39/40 and struggles to find advantages: "I haven't found any positives. All our nephews are grown up. My mother-in-law is too old to help, and my parents have helped with their eleven other grandkids. Not ours."

*Priya, who had her first at 35 and is pregnant again at 38, wishes she'd started earlier: "I wish I'd had children much sooner, although I recognise that my life choices (living overseas, partying, career) took priority in my 20s and early 30s. I do worry and am sad about the fact that, unless my kids have kids very young, I won't be around much for my grandkids, if they have them."

The takeaway? There's no perfect timing.

Hearing these stories, what strikes me most is how different everyone's path has been and how each choice has brought its own unique mix of challenges and rewards.

Whether you have kids at 19 or 42, the common thread seems to be that we all make the best decisions we can with the information, circumstances, and life stage we're in at the time.

Some of us prioritise career and travel first, others dive into parenthood young, and many of us fall somewhere in between.

The "right" time to have kids isn't a number on a calendar, it's when it feels right for you, your partner, and your circumstances.

*names have been changed for privacy.

Feature Image: Supplied.

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