The best man speech at Pippa Middleton's wedding was met with an awkward silence.

Even though it technically wasn’t one, Pippa Middleton and James Matthews’ big day had all the hallmarks of a royal wedding.

But it seems one man missed the memo – the groom’s best man.

The Daily Mail reports James’ long-time friend, Justin Johannsen, made a speech filled with such crude and decidedly un-royal jokes they were met with awkward silences.

At one point, he even compared Pippa to her new husband's dog, Rafa.

Justin apparently said: "Now to the love of James' life: beautiful, energetic, loyal, soft-mouthed, comes on command, great behind. But that is enough about Jame's spaniel, Rafa, I'm here to talk about James' love, Pippa."

However, the speech wasn't all jokes, with Justin then sharing his observations of the "deep and instinctive love" the couple shared.

"I think I can say for everyone, that you look stunning," he said to Pippa. "The image of perfection."

"I know that James first fell in love with your gutsiness and your spirit and then succumbed to your beauty. You make James extremely happy.

Listen: Groomsmen just makes speeches and drink beer, right? Being a bridesmaid is work, apparently. Post continues... 

"You have a voir la joie that warms the hearts of everyone who knows you and you have won the heart of the best man that I know."

And then, it was back to the jokes, with a reference to the Welsh city of Bangor that we're sure hasn't been made before at a thousand other British weddings.

"With the wedding shadowed in secrecy, I can reveal, and wish the bride and groom a happy honeymoon in North Wales," Justin said.

"At least that's where I presume they are going as I heard Spencer saying that after the wedding, he [James] was going to Bangor for two weeks. Enjoy the Welsh coast, guys."

Sadly, we can only imagine the eye-rolls that joke would have been met with.

The newlyweds are believed to be actually spending their honeymoon on a luxurious, private island in French Polynesia, the Daily Mail reports.

The island, Tetiaroa, was once owned by film great Marlon Brando and now houses a resort, named The Brando, where famous guests like former US President Barack Obama, Leonardo DiCaprio and Barbara Streisand have all stayed.

Rates range from AU$3,900 for one person per night in low season, to AU$18,400 for the resort's most luxurious villa per night during peak season.

Did the best man at your wedding make a cringe-worthy speech or keep it PG?