A definitive list: The 9 best Christmas movies of all time.

In case you haven’t noticed, IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME!!!

And you know what that means… QUALITY FESTIVE-RELATED CINEMA!

According to the rules of Christmas, every website on the Interwebs must offer up a list of their top-rated Christmas movies, or Santa will die. Here is our list.

(I have chosen not to put it in any particualar order because nobody will ever agree on a definitve ranking and it’s Christams time so all I want to do is drink wine and not make anyone cranky.)

1. Love Actually

This is a glorious Christmas-themed love-fest of epic proportions and I will not hear otherwise.

2. Home Alone

Ah, Kevin McCallister. You may be a sadistic little psychopath who loves to hear the screams of others after you put them through immense pain, but when you put on aftershave it’s just so cute!

Let’s be honest, the main thing that makes this film feel Christmas-y is the epic choir soundtrack, but even that wouldn’t be out of place in a petrifying nightmare. Maybe it’s the Christmas lights? Or the old man that walks around with a shovel? How was this film G-rated?

3. It’s a Wonderful Life

Look. Full disclosure: I haven’t seen this movie. But everyone says you simply must put it on every Christmas movie list ever so I’m just following the status quo. I watched the trailer. Something about some dude who gives away all of a bank’s money, then jumps off a bridge to save a crazy old man? I dunno.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4BMdZlb0_E

4. The Santa Clause

The best pun-filled Christmas movie ever. It could have gone so wrong; it opens with Tim Allen KILLING SANTA. But it’s no biggie – he takes over the top job because of the ‘Santa Clause‘ (WINK).

It is odd that nobody seems that upset that the other santa died. He fell off a roof and then his body disintegrated. It’s kind of barbaric. And why does Bernard look so much older than all the other elves?

5. Scrooged

Bill Murray. Christmas. Enough said.

6. Die Hard

Alan Rickman is the bad guy. Bruce Willis is the hard-working, wise-cracking cop who just wants to see his wife and kid. Oh yeah, and it’s Christmas.

Yippikaiyai Motherf#@ker.

7. Jingle All The Way

Arnold Schwarzenegger trying to get the must-have toy for his kid for Christmas. Hilarity ensues. (It’s Arnie in a toy store! LOL. It’s Arnie fighting a ninja santa! LOL. It’s Arnie throwing down with someone’s mum! LOL. It’s Arnie being chased by a reindeer! LOL.) Etc etc etc.

8. A Mom for Christmas

A little girl who probably needs some therapy to get past her mom’s death really wants a new mom for Christmas. George Costanza’s mom is a crystal witch who works in the local department store, so naturally she turns one of the mannequins into a mom for said little girl.

Olivia Newton John is that mom. And she is Xanadu-level glorious.

9. The Muppet Christmas Carol

The Muppets take on Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, with Miss Piggy front and centre where she belongs. That Michael Caine plays Ebenezer Scrooge only adds to the gut-wrenching perfection of this classic masterpiece.

Merry Christmas!