Ben Affleck, notorious diva, says his life is pretty 'drama free' actually.

Ben Affleck is an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tied together with a cable-knit cardigan.

I've long struggled to define who this man is. Why I love him and find his rollercoaster antics so very entertaining. What his whole deal is.

Then one day, it hit me.

Do you remember what you were doing when those photos of Ben Affleck and his new Phoenix back tattoo first dropped? I do, of course. I was out for drinks with friends, which was thrilling because it was the perfect setting to discuss a broken-hearted man clearly in the midst of having a conniption.

If you don't remember, freshly single Ben Affleck went viral all the way back in 2015 when his new 'phoenix rising from the ashes' tattoo was debuted on the interwebs. Fresh off his divorce from Jennifer Garner, the actor was on set filming Live By Night when he was seen sporting the new ink.

The images made the rounds online and the dot-com lost its mind over the sad, single Ben Affleck snaps. Was this part of a new role? Was it real? At first, he insisted it was a fake tattoo for the film. I don't know why he did that, because it was very much a real tattoo he got because he just 'resonated' with the message in his divorce era.

"It's a phoenix. I was about to say it represents something really important to me! It's meaningful to me. I love my tattoo, I'm happy with it," he later told Ellen DeGeneres in 2019, admitting it was very much permanently on his body.

Jennifer Garner wasn't quite as thrilled by the ink.

"A phoenix rising from the ashes. Am I the ashes in this scenario? I take umbrage. I refuse to be the ashes," she said in an interview with Vanity Fair.

It's real: https://t.co/3MmH0tenUt pic.twitter.com/HJMq2Z6lAc

— E! News (@enews) March 18, 2018

In 2024, Ben took his post-split makeover in a new direction.

Having separated from his wife of two years, Jennifer Lopez, Benny boy took the more traditional route of dyeing his hair. Dyeing his salt-and-pepper beard a dark shade of black, to be specific.

"Celeb colourist not impressed by Ben Affleck's apparent hair dye job," Page Six reported last year. And to that I say, who has not had a questionable hair transformation in the wake of a breakup?

In fact, I would go so far as to say this is just the latest example in a string of unserious endeavours that prove Ben Affleck is the ultimate single girl. 

Yes, I'm talking about Ben, who drinks a daily iced almond latte with two sugars from Dunkin Donuts. He's rarely seen walking the streets without a cold bevvy in hand — come rain, hail, or shine, he's on the iced latte grind. Which is very girlie pop behaviour.

I thought the only celebrity I'd ever relate to in a post-break-up world would be Taylor Swift. But actually, I fear it's Ben Affleck. Meaningful back tattoos, beard transformations, it's all in a day for our relatable brokenhearted king.

It's just me and you in this world, Ben. Image: Dunkin Donuts.

In a fabulous new cover story for GQ Magazine, Ben has addressed his online presence and his penchant for iced beverages. He attributes his laissez-faire aura to one thing: he simply doesn't care what anyone thinks of him.

"I think I don't present in a very careful way," he told the publication, about why his paparazzi pictures gain so much traction online.

"So I'll go out and pick up the packages or deliveries and I don't really care that people are there to take my picture. And some people are probably, I guess you'd call them smarter or more strategic because they think, well: 'I don't want to be seen wearing some T-shirt or spilling some drink.' And I just think: Oh f**k it, man, I could give a shit. I just want to get the coffee. So maybe that's a part of it, because people are accustomed to a more presented, curated image."

That's so true, Ben. Only a truly deranged single girlie understands that online packages and iced coffees are worth sacrificing your image.

In the interview — which I'll earnestly say is actually wide-ranging and emotionally layered — Ben did touch on his career, sobriety, personal life, and divorce(s) from the two key Jennifers in his life. But through it all, his motto appears to be 'live, laugh, love' as he navigates the so-called tension surrounding his split.

"My life is actually pretty drama-free," he said, adding people's eyes would "glaze over with boredom" if they knew the inner workings of his life and recent break-up.

Again, this man has attained a level of single girl-dom one could only dream of, as he waxes poetical about the importance of an iced latte run while also reclassifying heartbreak as boring.

This diva remains an all-time fave. Image: Dunkin Donuts.

But it's not all phoenixes, iced drinks, dissociation, and box dye for Ben.

There was the time he broke up with Ana de Armas in 2021, and days later was seen disposing of a life-size cardboard cutout of the actress on bin day.

Now, I must admit I have never owned a life-sized cardboard cutout of an ex, but I have owned photographs. You know where they've ended up post-split? The bin! Hard relate to this one. The famous equivalent of archiving couple photos on your Instagram page.

A life-sized cardboard cutout of Ana de Armas from inside Ben Affleck’s residence was seen being thrown out into a trash can. (January 18, 2021) pic.twitter.com/4bxxDC97WZ

— Ana de Armas Updates (@ArmasUpdates) January 19, 2021

Then there was the time Ben was seen looking serene as he took a stroll in a button-up cardigan, amidst rumours of a split from Jennifer Lopez. Rumours, it would later be confirmed, that were true. In fact, the post-divorce timeline revealed they had only been broken up for a few weeks at this point.

Whomst among us would not enjoy a stroll on a chilly tree-lined street, wearing our cosiest cardigan for contemplation purposes? I just know the thoughts were deep that day as he dealt with his heartache.

Maybe he went home and listened to Waiting Room by Phoebe Bridgers. Who could say for sure?

One thing this new GQ chat proves, once again, is that somehow Ben is the most relatable person online in this present day. He's smart, he's intriguing, and he's very unique.

There are just a few things we can count on in this world: death, taxes, and Ben Affleck being the perfect representation of feeling the crushing weight of the world at all times. But through it all, he perseveres. Iced coffee in hand.

Ben and his sad cardigan appeared on TV following his serene stroll. I love it. Image: Peacock.

Feature Image: Canva/Dunkin Donuts.