'We need to talk about... the poo.' What we know about the woman who spent 500 days alone in a cave.

For 50-year-old Beatriz Flamini, she thought the idea of spending 500 days living 70 metres deep in a Spanish cave with no contact with the outside world was a rather dandy idea.

The elite sportsperson and mountaineer did the 'social experiment' in the name of science, to see the effects of social isolation and lack of contact on the human mind.

From November 2021 to April 2023 she was in the cave, and her support team said she has broken a world record for the longest time spent in a cave — voluntarily. 

A few days ago, Flamini emerged from her cave in Southern Spain to a bunch of reporters, cameras, her support team and loved ones. The irony is that Flamini said she would have been more than happy to stay in her cave for another 500 days, describing her time as "excellent and unbeatable".

Watch: the moment Beatriz Flamini emerges from the cave. Post continues below.

But after all the media reports and insight into her time spent in the cave, I have precisely 10 questions. 

And I can't stop thinking about them all. 

My first question is why.

Seriously... why? I understand that it's all been done in the name of 'science', Flamini explaining it was done as part of an endurance experiment to study the impact of isolation on the human body.

But still... why?

If helping scientists learn more about the capacities of the human mind and circadian rhythms means someone needed to spend 500 days alone in a cave, is it really worth it? 

Perhaps my dripping disdain can be linked to a general dislike of outdoorsy things, such as camping (it's not a good attribute of mine I know). But alas, I think my question of 'why' remains completely impartial and valid. 

What was the go with phones and social media? 

Flamini had a hard rule in place when it came to the outside world: stay the f**k away.

The main thing she had on her in terms of technology were two GoPro cameras to document her time, as content is king, my friends. 

And after emerging from the cave, Flamini said she feels like it's still 2021, and she was wondering why all the reporters weren't wearing masks (ahhh COVID mems).

Looking back, there are some major global events that aren't yet on her radar.

Since she went into the cave on November 20, 2021, it's fair to say that Flamini missed out on some pretty big news stories.

Take for example Russia's full-scale invasion of Ukraine, the death of Queen Elizabeth II, the situation in Iran, and the growing tension between China and the US.

As for some more lowbrow moments she missed out on — but that are still of significant cultural importance — Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's drama-packed Netflix special, the Vanderpump Rules scandal and THAT Oscars slap. 

But I guess that's what happens when you literally live under a rock.

A 50-year-old Spanish woman, Beatriz Flamini, has emerged into daylight after 500 days alone in a 230ft deep cave in Los Gauchos, near Motril, Spain, with no contact with the outside world. pic.twitter.com/vlCGN5L6ni

— Instablog9ja (@instablog9ja) April 15, 2023

So what did she actually do while in the cave?

When one spends 500 days in a cave with no social media, no fun movies to watch, and are alone with their thoughts — what does one actually do?

Well first and foremost, they eat. Flamini would get her food delivered to her by her support team, which was pretty standard except for "special treats" like avocados and fresh eggs. 

But while in the cave, she said she did at points have an intense craving for roast chicken with potatoes. 

Flamini said to reporters that she spent the 16 months doing various exercises, painting, drawing and knitting some delightful woolly hats. Love that.

She also got through 60 books. When compared to my one book so far this year, I'm feeling equal parts jealous and impressed.

Part of me is desperate to know what genres the books were, hoping at least one was a good ol' smutty novel. But one of the books must have been a decent read, given she said to reporters: "When they [the support team] came in to get me [after reaching the 500-day mark], I was asleep. I thought something had happened. I said, 'Already? Surely not.' I hadn't finished my book."

Okay, she had no social media and no Internet. But what about contact with her loved ones?

A big fat nope is the answer. 

She said her support team had been told to not contact her, adding there were very few special circumstances to be considered — even regarding a loved one dying.

That's how she wanted it, saying: "If it's no communication it's no communication regardless of the circumstances. The people who know me knew and respected that."

General contact with the outside world was also restricted. A team of scientists kept in touch with Flamini using "special, limited" messaging technology, The Guardian reported.

But she was monitored by a group of psychologists, researchers, speleologists — specialists in the study of caves — and physical trainers who kept an eye on her physical and mental wellbeing.

Health over cave staycation every day.

Beatriz Flamini emerging from the cave. Image: AAP.

Surely you'd just have a chat with yourself if you can't talk to others then?

Also no.

Flamini said to reporters that a big goal for her was to "relish the silence". By day 65, Flamini said she stopped counting the days and "lost perception of time".

"I didn't talk to myself out loud, but I had internal conversations and got on very well with myself. You have to remain conscious of your feelings," she said, confirming she didn't speak out loud unless recording videos on her GoPro occasionally. 

And all I can think about is the fact Flamini was 48 when she went into the cave, meaning she celebrated two birthdays alone underground. I hope a cake got sent down to her.

We need to talk about... the poo.

It's the question we all have. I'm just brave enough to ask it and put it out to the world with my name attached — what did Flamini do with her waste?

The toilet arrangements were quite simple she said. Flamini would leave her bodily waste at a collection point in the cave and after "every five poos" she would send it up to one of her support team members to dispose of outside of the cave. 

And can we all spare a thought for that poor darling support worker? Bless your soul.

"There was no other way and five was my limit," she said. "You have to get the waste out. I left my offerings there, as if to the gods, and the gods left me food."

Beautifully put. 

What was the worst part?

Sure, it's important to look at the positives. But I want to know about the hard parts.

When asked if she had ever considered hitting the panic button and heading back to reality before her 500 days were up, Flamini said not a chance. 

"Never. In fact, I didn't want to come out." 

But after a short amount of reflection, she remembered the insects that almost broke her.

"The flies! The flies! The flies!" she said. 

"There was an invasion of flies. They came in, they laid their larvae and I didn't control it and so I suddenly ended up enveloped by flies. It wasn't that complicated, but it wasn't healthy... but that's just what it was."

When you emerge from a cave after 500 days, what is the number one thing you're looking forward to?

For me it would be the following in no particular order — chocolate, my dog, a shower with nice fancy soap, crisp linen sheets and my phone. Also probably my loved ones too after I've had a good feed and shower. 

For Flamini, hers was simple. 

A shower, a beer and sharing a plate of fried eggs and chips with friends. 

Which in theory is fine. But I take issue with the fried eggs. Given she had fresh eggs delivered to her often as part of her cave grocery haul, surely you would be looking forward to something grander than a fried egg. 

But perhaps there's a wider takeaway from the desire for a fried egg.

That despite all the limits and restrictions that cave life brought for Flamini, it also came with some fabulous perspective — it's the smaller things in life that can bring the most joy. 

Even if that joy lies in the mundanity of a fried egg. 

Last but not least — would she do it again?

It turns out solitude can be quite lovely. 

"It's true that there were some difficult moments, but there were also some very beautiful moments — and I had both as I lived up to my commitment to living in a cave for 500 days," Flamini said.

"It's been amazing. It's been really amazing."

Yeah, but like, have you booked into another cave-cation anytime soon? I'll be waiting to see. 

Feature Image: AAP.

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