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Roll up your sleeves.
Prepare the dirty nappy into a spherical projectile that you can throw at my head.
Because I’m about to say something that will make me V unpopular with the mummy community.
My friend is about to host a first birthday party for her baby. She’s excited. I’m excited. There will be balloons on the front gate and hopefully lolly bags for adults.
And in the ensuing discussion of said party she slid her phone across the table, and said: “And this is the cake I’m going to get!”
Artists impression: