'There are 3 reasons my son took my wife's surname. It should be the norm.'

If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber. Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.

When I first told my older brother that my son would not share our last name, his eyes glazed over. As someone that is far more traditional than I am, he seemed unable to comprehend why I would 'allow' such a thing to happen.

What he didn't know, was that this had been our plan for years. It was never even a question for me. It might seem like a small decision to some, but to us, it's part of a bigger conversation about questioning traditions and putting value where it's truly due.

While this was my personal experience — and for the record he wasn't the only friend or family member to react in this way — it is also reflective of a wider cultural discussion that should be happening on a more widespread basis. In Australia, around 95% of children are still given their father's surname (even when parents aren't married).

A statistic like that shows just how doggedly patriarchal naming norms have remained centuries after their inception. And I guess us blokes have to ask ourselves, is this a norm we're willing to (quite literally) put our names to?

The answer for me, at least, was not a chance. And there are three key reasons why.

1. The tradition we're quietly (or not so quietly) breaking.

A short history of surnames in Australia immediately shines a spotlight on why the 'father's name by default' convention exists.

Until the late 20th century, married women were automatically referred to by their husband's name in many legal and social settings. This even continues to this day in popular culture — think Elaine Benes in Seinfeld reciting her new name as 'Mrs. John F. Kennedy Junior' when she dreamt of marrying him. The reason this outdated tradition exists in the first place is that women were regarded as property of the dad, and then the husband.

So, when it came time to decide whose name we wanted our kids to carry, well, that's not really a tradition we wanted to pass down to our son. It exacerbates so many aspects that are wrong with our modern society; misogyny, sexism, toxic masculinity, and the fact that feminism still remains a dirty word in the eyes of so many men.

So, we decided that this tradition was something we were quite happy and proud to shatter in our household.

2. Objectively, my wife did the work and sacrificed more than me, so why should my name take priority?

My wife paused her career, navigated the enormous physical and emotional toll of pregnancy and childbirth, and is shouldering much of the early parenting load, not to mention dealing with the hormonal changes, the enormous workload in household duties, and disgusting nappy changes (which are currently in full swing and, if we are being honest, should come with hazard pay).

It felt a bit like that freeloader at school during a group assignment that would sweep in at the last minute and add their name to the assignment. I wasn't having it then, and I'm not having it now.

I know pregnancy takes two to tango, but let's be real, she has done far more for our son in just a few months, than I will do in my lifetime. Giving our child her last name felt like a meaningful acknowledgement of that sacrifice, and a new tradition we're proud of.

3. Identity and marketability of a name in our superficial world.

I don't condone, like, or completely understand the superficialities of our modern society. Someone named Adolf or Osama is going to have a tough time in school, you could just about guarantee it.

I hate how shallow our society has become in many ways, but it is a reality. Names shape identity, they shape your upbringing, and even adulthood. At this point, I must acknowledge that my wife's name is way cooler than mine. So, when the time came to have a conversation about my son's name, this was certainly a factor.

Too many of our female friends and family have dropped their aesthetic surnames for their husbands' often confusing (both spelling and pronunciation-wise) and, if I'm honest, ugly surnames. Of course, they would then go on to pass this name down to their children.

We must remember, this isn't a bad haircut, this is for a lifetime.

Image: Supplied.

Now, just talking to the men in the room for a moment — or perhaps the women who want to start the conversation with their partners — sure, some people will raise their eyebrows at you… some. But they will come around. My brother loves my son's name now; it's edgy, it's interesting, it's unique, but what's more, he understands where I'm coming from.

He might not agree (I haven't asked), but he understands. You can be part of this shift in our society, because ultimately, it's the right thing to do.

You may want the family to share the same surname on your Medicare card, to feel whole, to feel one. That's fine, I understand. I wouldn't want to impact your decision. That is deeply personal. But who is to say that it can't be her last name that the family adopts?

I personally kept my surname, because it is my identity, it's part of what I have built over my lifetime, I can hang my hat on that name, from graduation certificates at Uni, to best-dressed certificates in Year 2 (the Bart Simpson spikey hair made of cardboard was the clincher, I'm sure).

It's who I am. Not only that, but I am a strong believer that you are given a name at birth and that is your name. You shouldn't have to change it for anyone.

So, while it came down to those three sticking points for us, ultimately, we thought about the young man we wanted to raise. What messages we wanted to send him in the future, when he can fully grasp the care and thought that went into something so personal. Something that he will carry with him for the rest of his life.

Listen to Mamamia Out Loud, Mamamia's podcast with what women are talking about this week. Post continues below.

Feature Image: Getty