28 first-time parents on the baby items they definitely didn't need.

Heading to Baby Bunting with your swelling belly and a list of ‘essentials’ is a rite of passage for any expectant parent. In fact, for many of us, kitting out the nursery is a key part of the nesting process. 

While we know logically there’s a human growing in our bellies, it can be hard to process the fact we’re going to have a real-life baby to look after. We see our future child on the screen during our scans. We analyse the ultrasound photos and try desperately to pick up on any striking features so we can try to picture who this little person might be… but really, they just look like a cute ball of melted cheese.

However, the act of buying things for our adorable ball of cheese in utero helps make an abstract concept become tangible. Slowly your space becomes filled with real-life evidence a baby is about to be here. 

A cot! A pram! A car seat! 

An overflowing cupboard full of size 0000 winter clothes when your bub is due in summer! 

A scary-looking contraption you accidentally try to use as a night light in the nursery but it turns out it’s a steriliser! 

Watch: Horoscopes As New Mums. Story continues below.

As your due date looms closer, you may find your instinct to nest goes into overdrive and you simply can’t control your urge to purchase every single impractical baby item your algorithm is serving you. Wipe warmers? Surely that’ll help make nappy changes a breeze. Pram muffler? Don’t really know what that means, but it sounds important. Very important. Nipple shields? Well, I don’t want my nips to be unshielded.

It's only when we have the wisdom of hindsight that we realise how much unnecessary stuff we’re fooled into believing we need to raise a teeny tiny baby. 

Now that I’m two babies deep, I’m by no means an expert on anything, but if my pregnant friends ask me if there’s anything they absolutely need to get, I first reassure them that the shops will still be open even after they’ve given birth, and failing that, as long as they have their boobs and/or formula to feed their baby, plus some nappies and zippy onesies, you’re good to go! 

We’re flooded with all the ‘must-have’ lists of what we should buy for our babies, but we rarely ever hear about the crap purchases. And just like how every single child is their own unique little person, what works for one family may not necessarily work for another. Hell, what was a game-changer for your first child, could be immediately rejected by your second.

When in doubt, remember less really is more. There’s no harm in seeing how things pan out over the first few weeks after your baby has arrived instead of trying to tick off every item on the so-called essentials list before they’re even born. Maybe they’re a voracious vomitor so you’re going to need to stock up on a jumbo pack of spew rags. Maybe your milk hasn’t come in and you’ll need to get formula and bottles. Maybe they hate dummies. Maybe they’ll only sleep in a specific kind of swaddle. 

There are just so many variables you can’t possibly account for ahead of their arrival. 

So I present to you a comprehensive ‘save-your-money, don’t-bother-buying’ list (to be taken with a drop of baby spew, of course) because there’s much to gain from realising just how varied this baby-raising gig can be! 

From wipe warmers to flouncy outfits with ill-placed buttons and hoods (game over), all kinds of boob paraphernalia, and fancy breastfeeding chairs (when they preferred to just feed on the couch), 28 parents share the most useless things they bought for their baby.

Baby Edie definitely needs that beanie though – pom poms are essential! Image: Supplied.

1. “I bought a $50 contraption called ‘The Snotty’, aka a baby nasal aspirator. She took one look at it, burst out crying and wouldn’t let me within a metre of her nose. I attempted to use it on her while she was sleeping and couldn’t even figure out how it actually worked. Snot a good idea!” - Laura 

2. “We got a Moses basket thinking she’d sleep in it all the time. Not once. The only thing we used it for was monthly photos and by five months she was crawling. It was basically redundant.” - Dean

3. “The nappy bin with the nappy bin-specific liner. While not environmentally friendly, doggy bags or freezer bags tied up and put in the nappy bin worked way better and stank wayyyyy less!” - Jess

4. “A fancy fandangled breast pump when a Haakaa [breast pump] was all I needed.” - Caitlin

5. “A Munch Mitt, which is a silicone teething mitt you strap on your kid’s hand that they can chew on when they’re teething. It didn’t fit on her hand properly and even when I could secure it, she would whinge til I took it off. She preferred to chew my shoulder, to be honest.” - Toby

6. “I bought so many fancy outfits with bow ties and flat caps galore… then I had a COVID baby and didn’t leave the house. So fewer bow ties, I would say! I also bought something called a Thumbie that was supposed to be the best way to file your baby’s nails. It was not. But lockdowns and Instagram influencers made me buy it.” - Alanna 

7. “When we were buying our pram, the sales assistant could sniff out our vulnerable new-parent energy from a mile away and convinced us we needed to get the pram muffler add-on for $80. You supposedly use it to keep your baby’s feet warm on cold days. We never touched it. A rug worked perfectly fine. Also, our baby bath collected a lot of dust. We’d bring her into the shower with us and when she was a little bit bigger, the good old-fashioned laundry sink worked a treat.” - Bella

Baby Tilly was happy in the sink! Image: Supplied.

 8. “Shoes – their feet literally never touch the ground.” - Nat

9. “I bought stunning size 0000 and 000 dresses from David Jones, with matching hair accessories. Guess who only wore Bonds Wondersuits every day? And headbands on a baby? Have you met a baby?” - Edwina

10. “A breastfeeding pillow! A simple couch cushion or normal pillow was totally sufficient.” - Katie

11. A steam steriliser, but I got one that didn’t dry! Everything was wet AF when I opened it and I had to sit there and dry everything, which no one has time for and also defeats the whole purpose of sterilising if you dry the bottles with a cloth after. It went in the bin and I went [for a] UV [steriliser] after – best decision!” - Jess

12. “A foam bath flower! So dang cute in the photo but, spoiler alert, it didn't sit up in our sink like it does in the ads, it gets really wet and floppy, super heavy and takes a week to dry on the line.” Christine

13. “I bought a jogger pram because I thought I was going to be one of those mums who would take their baby on runs.” - Candice

14. “I spent $70 on a super boujie jumpsuit that had ZERO functionality. No-access-to-the-nappy sort of deal. You had to strip the whole thing off to change her. Absolute nightmare. She wore it once.” - Ingrid

15. “A potty, because I was going to get my baby to do elimination communication… like I have the time for that!” - Danni

16. “A nipple shield. This is something that I should have bought if I needed it when I was breastfeeding, not beforehand.” - Brigette

17. “One of those stretchy wrap carriers. My husband was desperate to buy it, so we did. It was the most confusing thing to try to use in a newborn sleep-deprivation fog. Never ended up using it!” - Megs

18. “Waaaaaaayyyyy too many blankets!” - Ellen

19. “A rocking chair... which quickly became a clothes rack. Much preferred to just be on the couch or at night sitting up in bed.” - Beth

20. “Wraps and blankets. We just used sleepsuits from the beginning.” - Alicia

21. “I was doing cloth nappies and wipes, and I bought this crazy $100 wipe ‘system’ that consisted of containers to put the wipes in, essential oils and cloth wipes. The wipes wore out so quickly and the way they said to clean them with the essential oils was against everything that cloth mamas learn about washing! All were discarded or worn out very quickly.” - Emma

22. “Wipe warmers. Babies don’t care if their bum feels like they’re on holiday in Fiji. They’ll still scream bloody murder during nappy changes with or without a warm wipe.” - Josh

Listen to This Glorious Mess hosts Leigh and Tegan reflect on the first few weeks postpartum. Post continues below.

23. “The Instagram-famous Artipoppe baby carrier. I couldn’t figure out how to use it and it cost $530.” - Helen

24. “The endless amount of cute outfits. So easy to get sucked into buying clothes but they wear them for two seconds and then grow out of them. That money is so much better invested in the new mama! Get a massage, some new clothes for your postpartum body, or a meal delivery service.” - Rach

25. “Anything with a hood, as that’s just plain annoying when they’re tiny and sleeping a lot.” - Henriette

26. “Soft toys (mainly gifted) but still…. SO. MANY. STUFFED. TOYS.” - Danusia 

27. “Onesies that have back buttons.” - Louisa

28. “Overalls! Particularly when they don’t have buttons at the bottom for easy nappy changes – but even when they do, they are such a faff. I would only dress my kids in them for daycare so they could deal with it and not me!” - Kasia

Feature Image: Supplied.

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