The 18 most awkward questions ever asked by kids.

By BERN MORLEY

“What’s a 69, Mum?”

“Is this a back massager?”

How beautiful is a young child’s innocence? They are SO sweet right? Well sure, their naivety is totally spellbinding RIGHT up about until that point where it leads to you being publicly humiliated.

See, children by their very nature, are curious little creatures. From the minute they can talk they are on a quest for knowledge. “How long until my birthday?”, “Why is Daddy still asleep?”, “Why can’t I eat my boogers?” (19 days, because he drank too much beer last night and because it’ll give you worms). See, those questions are easy for parents to answer. The others though, the ones that throw you under the bus and/or put you very harshly on the spot, they aren’t so easy to answer.

Take yesterday for example. I was dropping my son into school, when in front of his teacher he decided that then would be a good time to ask me this:

“Mum, what’s a dildo?”

The teacher looked at me, his classmates within earshot looked at me, and me? Well let’s just say that I wouldn’t have minded if the school chose THAT particular moment to set off the fire alarm. Luckily, as I was both time-poor and ill prepared, I calmly told him that I’d get back to him about it later that night and watched as his teacher directed him inside, ever so slightly hiccupping with barely contained laughter.

The best thing about this list we’re about to share with you though, is that it may allow you to come up with some plausible answers in advance or when the time comes. And believe me, it WILL come.

The 18 most awkward questions children have ever asked their parents:

1. I know how the baby gets out, but how did it get in there? (Luca – 6)

2. Why are your nipples so big? (Sarah  – 7)

3. Why do I always wake up with a ‘massive doodle’? – (Jet – 6)

4. Nana, what is erectile dysfunction ? (Asha – 9)

5. How do homosexuals ‘do it’? (Lincoln – 10)

6. What does horny mean? (Jessica – 7)

7.  know when I was a baby that I was in your tummy, but where was I before I was in your tummy? (Serena – 6)

8. What do they sell in the Condom Kingdom? (Joshua – 7)

9. What are ‘lady toys’? (Krissy – 11)

10. What are swingers? (Jason – 8)

11. What’s a “Hoochie Momma”? (Daniel – 9)

12. What’s a “69” mean (Shanelle – 12)

13. Why is my ball bag all wrinkly? (Christopher – 11)

14. What’s a camel toe?  (Alicia – 5)

15. What’s ‘Wacky Tobaccy?’ (Sam – 7)

16. Is that a back massager? (Tiffany – 8)

17. What’s a wet dream? (Caleb – 7)

18. Daddy, what are you doing to Mummy? (Rain – 5)

Remember though, each time one of these questions is asked, it’s actually a really great time to teach your child something new. And if you don’t act all weird about it, neither will they, because providing knowledge often takes away the mystery. Although, granted, there are some there that can just wait a few years, thank you very much.

What is the most awkward question your child has ever asked of you?